What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
I get depressed when she hangs out with him instead of me. I'm her backup... I mean, that's how it's supposed to be, he IS her boyfriend after all... But I tried to do things right, I let her know how I feel about her, and asked her to just tell me there's not a chance, that way I could move on, that way we could stay good friends, good roommates, good co-workers. That way, I wouldn't feel like I needed to wait around for something that was never gonna happen. But instead she said no, because she had had the same thoughts about me... I don't get to be jealous, because she's not with me... But I am jealous, because she could be with me... Because I know she and him won't last... Because I know she's too mature, and he's still a momma's boy at 21. Because he's a loser who's been fired from every one of his four jobs he's ever had. Because he is a literal fiscal burden on her and me... And he's okay with it.
Her and I, we have real conversations... We laugh, and we cry, we drink, and we get high... He just wants to talk about video games, and he's too scared to get drunk, and he had one less than positive experience with pot, so he ain't touching that any time soon. He judges us when we smoke, he judges us when we get home late. He's not a bad guy, but he doesn't deserve her... Why can't I just forget it, and if we become a thing eventually, cool, but if not at least I didn't waste my time fretting... Why do I have to obsess about the future we could have together; why does this have to keep me up at night? Why can't I just be happy with her being my best, and closest friend? Because I miss her, when I shouldn't. Because when she sits on the far side of the table I want to move to sit next to her... Because I want to hug her, and hold her as we fall asleep to some shitty rom-com... Because even though there is only one wall separating us at night, I know one sheet would be too much... Why can't I kill these feelings. Why won't she kill them for me? Is she just leading me on, or does she feel EXACTLY like I do, but because of past relationships, she reeeeaaally wants this one to work out. Why did she have to tell me the feelings were mutual... Why did she tell me they were there? She's out of my league; I expected her to laugh and say "Oh, I'm glad I have a friend like you, who tells me the truth." I was ready for that. I was ready and willing to be friend zoned. Hell, I wanted that. She sees what this is doing to me... Every fake smile, and every false laugh; she sees through them all. She knows how I feel, and she knows that when she hugs me, I can't take it as a friend. She "Doesn't care," if he sees us, but we still always hug only when he's out of sight... God why does this eat me up?! I want it over. I can't handle this emotional rollercoaster. We want to do the same things in the future. We want to travel to the same places, we want to meet the same people, he wants to live in his parents second house as long as they'll let him... My heart hurts, and I can't make it stop...
He's my friend... I don't want to take her from him...? I know eventually, they could be good for each other. But he needs to grow up first. And he needs to grow up on his own, or else he'll blame her when he's unhappy. Because he'll have changed for her, and not himself... Does she not see this? I can't say this to her. I'm biased and she knows it. Am I skewing things my way? Maybe? But I still think it's an accurate enough picture. Fuck if I know. I'm not sure of anything anymore
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
the future is stressful
i have one more yr till i go to college. i don't know what to do or where to go. my SATs and ACTs aren't good. i know i need to do well on them to get enough sc...
-
What is this?
I’ve cried a number of times today. Yesterday I was told I NEED to work out, today I was told I should go “freshen” up. I understand there are nice ways t...
A little hard to follow, but I get the stream-of-consciousness headspace. I've been there before. From what I gather, you're in love with your roommates girlfriend who you also work with? That's a complicated relationship, with complicated emotions. Ultimately, I think it comes down to what you value most. You seem to really care about doing what's right, but you won't/can't "kill these feelings." It seems like you blame her a little bit for being truthful, and saying she likes you too, when it would've been easier on you for her to kill them. But what about her? How would she feel if she not only had to kill your feelings, but hers as well? As for "him," you seem to be a little judgy of him yourself. Do they seem genuinely happy together, or does she look like she wants a way out, and you'd feel bad being her escape given that he's your friend? I don't know man, I think you need to have an honest conversation with her, and tell her how this affects you, even if you think she can already tell. Spell it out, saying you need a clear, "For the foreseeable future," kind of answer. If nothing else that kicks the can down the road a little bit, and maybe decisions will be easier then? Best wishes man, hope things work out.
ReplyI agree, you probably need to have an honest, long chat about this. It's clearly hard to tell from just reading, but to me it kinda sounds like she just likes that you care for her so much, but doesn't actually want to be with you. I mean everyone likes to feel loved, and the fact that you want her so much even though she's taken (of course this could be the reason why you want her so bad, because it's "forbidden"), it must feel pretty cool. But of course it's also possible that she's confused yet wants to stay loyal, or even that she's actually in love with her boyfriend.
ReplyI really just love this line "Because even though there is only one wall separating us at night, I know one sheet would be too much"
Reply