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So i get my usmle test results in a week from today. ive poured so much effort into it, i lost weight , i didnt see my friends in a week, i studied as effectively as i could. I felt i did everything. I walked in saying i did everything i could and that i have to have some confidence in myself. I felt i never achieved anything really great in my life despite being dedicated and working hard. I feel really stupid.
Looking back i barely remember the 7hour exam - 1st hour i messed up real bad - i remember almost breaking down in tears. 2nd hour - didnt think of it much. 3rd hour - sucked again. Barely finished on time. Did worse than i usually do. Repeat for 5th and 6th block. 7 th block was the worst cause i was so tired - shocked because i trained myself for 10 hours. I feel like my hard work didnt pay off. Plus hearing other people who constantly are comparing themselves to you rubbing their scores in your face is form of torture. Im crying from stress. I feel ill disappoint all those people who are waiting - watching me. It feels like so much pressure . Im telling myself if i dont do well as a want maybe its not my time yet but it kills me cause i thought it really was this time.
Ive also been struggling with a lot at home. My dad has mental issues and no one cares to help. He threw my stuff out when i was away for my exam. He said he lied and said he needed to rent the place well in fact in was trying to hurt my mom by my displacement and unsettlement.i spent the last week instead of resting and relaxing .. cleaning and trying to settle. Im so unhappy idk. Smh .
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ReplyRegression to the mean....
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