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I've forgotton what it feels like to be happy. To be around your family and friends and still feel loved. To wake up every morning motivated to do something new.
Isn't being happy a natural process? Weren't humans born to be happy feel happy? If they were then why can't I feel this way. Why do I wake up every single morning feeling like a burden, a useless tool that no one wants to exist. A waste of precious time and space.
Then the pain hits, bit by bit until you can no longer hold it in anymore. And you've lost it. Angry , red scars paint your arms. I'll have to hide it the next day.
Happiness can slip away so easily until I'm left with nothing but pain in my head and numbness in my heart. Isn't it the social norm to smile? So I pretend to smile like everyone else. I've forgotten the meaning of a smile too.
Do any of you know what being happy is like?
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each day is a gift, and you being you makes the world better. each breath you take is worth it. each time you blink your eyes, you are worth living. everything you do each day and every day you keep fighting is making you stronger. believe it or not, but its true. everytime you lose yourself, instead, write your marks on a notebook or a piece of paper, and not your arms. your arms, your whole body is precious. do not harm it in anyway, no matter what you or anyone else tells you. happiness is when you feel something bloom inside you. happiness is when you feel your best, and you feel as if you can take on the world. happiness can be found in small things and creases in the world. true happiness is not forced happiness. a true smile is not a forced smile. now, sweetie, dont feel ashamed of yourself. look at your scars as battle scars and repeat that you can do this, because i know you can. take small steps if you need to. just keep on fighting sweetheart. i know that repeating all these compliments might not do much, but it can do something. just know that i am not lying. everyone has a purpose for living.
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