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The bell rings, the hallway gets crowded with strangers and people who I never know,
I see faces of excitement and confidence, everyone seems to be happy, no sorrow,
The empty seat and the empty chair,
I wish I could tell you how much I really cared,
I pass by the water fountain next to the bathroom,
Where we always stopped and goofed around right before going to the classroom,
I stand in the lunch line, watching the lunch lady put a chicken sandwich on the tray,
That's when I remember that you always skipped your lunch and take out a scented spray,
You hated the smell of the gross school chicken, and bought cookies and milk,
Not really eating them, but just playing with the food and prefer to eat some mash potato grilled,
I pass by the stairway, sighting some other people selling bands for friendship day,
But you left me no choice now, getting a blurry black and white flashbacks of you making a locket for me for friendship day,
Walking outside of the school building through the gates,
I remember how we both pushed the gates together, the heavy gray gates,
The cars with other teens, fooling on the road,
I see your car parked, the one you bought with loan,
The sky falls dark, and it starts to rain,
I feel the nature sobbing, for you and my pain,
The strong winds start blowing, carrying away the dirt on your old car,
The car that was never driven again, after your fatal and deadly scars,
My wet hair is all over my face, the rain, the thunder, the shivering cold feeling, no grace,
Your Smile and your dimples, Your advice and your laugh,
What was all of that for, was it just a mask?
You always told me to believe in myself, because not everyone will,
But that was all useless, worthless, were you yourself the only person you knew who to kill?
I remember the horrifying call, which was also on a rainy day,
Saying that you commited suicide, your blood rushing over your scalp and lungs, next to a train.
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ReplyMy heart is breaking for your loss. I only wish to say, the pain you feel now is something you may carry with you forever. The pain of a lost one, for me, never truly leaves or heals. It is always there. I have just adjust to the aching gap they left behind. But as I have adjusted, I can more easily recall the happy memories and cherish them. Please, feel angry or sad, but then let it go. Hold on to those happy memories. Do not throw those away as well. When I think of suicide, I believe others will be, if not better, then they will be just fine without me. I wish to see the best in everyone. I don’t believe you would mourn someone so heartless that they did this to harm you. They believed you would be fine. That you are strong enough to get past this.
ReplyBe still.
Your beloved is watching over you.
Reply