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Today i have hit rock bottom. Since i was little, i have always asked myself what to do in the future. Where should i study, what should i study, what job do i want? Never have i ever gotten an answer, and i doubt i ever will. Happiness to me, is worth nothing. The only thing that takes a bite out of my life, is stress, and disappointed faces from family and friends. I was at the top, i was happy before, but now i see no meaning. I have cried and cried, asked for help, but nothing seems to work for me. I have become so emotionless, and my negative emotions wont leave. They have been with me for the past two years. And i have asked myself many times, is it better to end it now, or to wait and see for a possible and better future for myself? This question has been a part of my everyday life. I have no motivation, i dont like myself, and i dont want to suffer like this anymore. These emotions have brought down my schoollife, my social life, and worst of all, the happines in other people around me. I feel like a disease, a disease that is not only hurting me, but the ones i come in contact with. Im at young stage of my life, and as a lot of people would say, "you have a lot to live for, dont end it", i seriously dont want to continue. It is getting worse by day, and i have went through this a lot. I want to take my own life. The people around will care, and i have accepted it, but is it better that i keep crumbling, or help myself, and possibly others? This is what i want, but i dont want to suffer in a physical way when i "carry the act". I just want to be succesful on my first try.
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No one ever became successful on their first try. Please calm down. Focus on things that make you even a little bit happy. Hold on mate.
ReplyHello, I read your story. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings about life! I read a quote once- rock bottom is the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. -JK Rowling
When you just don't know what to do anymore, what DO you do? Maybe think about this- what do you need most for yourself/your life? Think about that for a bit, and I'll be back. Let's talk about it :)
ReplyRock bottom *became
ReplyYou’re not alone in this and it’s not the only option. You can make it through. I promise you that.
ReplyI can imagine what you are feeling because I had/have the same problems as you have. I know how it is when people around you don't take your condition seriously. "smile", "you have so many things to live for", "it's ok, you're just sad, it will go away" they say. Well fuck this shit and fuck them all for saying that (sorry for strong language). I know how hard it is to function when under stress, anxiety and i know how much effort it takes to even get out of bed and live the day even if you barely lived it at all. It sucks. And there seems to be no point in living anymore. But let me tell you this. All the filings, thoughts you are having are just in your head. And no i don't mean they are not true, I'm just saying you can have control over them. It takes a lot of strenght, power, will, whatever, but you can change your thinking process and by that you change your feelings, emotions...
So some advice from me (the things that helped me a lot and may help you too). Break your daily tasks to micro tasks, meaning, that you count even the smallest daily tasks. You got out of bed = task finished, you showered = task finished... see where I'm going with this? Count everything you do as a task and by the end of the day, there will be a lot more finished than unfinished tasks and you'll feel better, proud, accomplished.
One thing i also tried is writting. Not necessarily a diary but just writting in general. Write your thoughts, feelings. Let them out. Paper can carry much more than people, you can write everything on it and then even burn it if you wish.
Next thing that helped me was photography. I don't know about you and maybe it was just a thing for me. But i photographed A LOT durring my depression/anxyety/attempting suicide. I photographed nature because i found it realy devine, peaceful, out of my state of mind and because a wanted to be alone. I also photographed the city i live in = buildings, people, trainstations...
And the last thing. Look in the mirror and tell yourself YOU MATTER. You really do. I believe that everything happens for a reason. Me, you, all of us are that thing that happened with a reason. There is something for you out there. I hope you find it. And i hope you decide in favour of life. Some cliché shiet for the end: You learn more from losing than winning. You learn how to keep going.
All the best.
Replysuicide isn't "through"
it's out
it's a bail out, a cop out, and definitely out.
ReplyI know it feels like there's no future but please hold on. I understand that you're tired. But you don't have to do this. It doesn't matter how many times you fall. What matters is that get back up. Some people fall twice, some fall a dozen of times. You fail only when you quit trying. Please calm down. Don't be so hard on yourself. If you feel helpless and tired, that's okay, give yourself some time. I have a lot to say but I'm really worried. Please call a professional immediately. Please.
ReplyI know it is difficult right now. But good will come to you, trust me. Please have faith and patience.
ReplyDon't let your negative emotions destroy you and your life, this is just your thought that other people are getting negative emotions and feelings because of you...You can get an online therapist or someone to help, it is all gonna get better...You are in the young stage of your life, if that is what people say, then I will try to explain what they mean. Everyone is confused and sees nothing which fits them or suits them during these stages...Ups and downs come in life, life isn't like a straight arrow on a graph just getting better and better when the arrow goes down(even to a negative degree) then it comes back up, there is no negative infinity in life...Compare the things before the dark ages and after, it got better, but in the middle, the middle ages had to come, right? This is your time to find who you truly are, there are many wonders and secrets of life yet to discover, nature and life, is a gift from God (or Mother nature if you don't believe in God?)...Death isn't a "thing", it is the absence of life, just decaying in the soil, and being absent in the dark, dark, soil...
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