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Hi. I'm a 15 year old in high school who needs advice. I've been going to my current school ever since kindergarten and i recently finished 10th grade and i've realized how alone i was. Ever since i could remember i've always felt like an outsider but this year it has really taken a toll on me and has affected me mentally and physically. I have a couple of friends, only one true one who we'll call R for the sake of her privacy even if no one ever reads this, but none of them really care about me and i realized this a couple months ago when our high school students went on a trip to a neighboring city. As soon as i got on the bus for the trip i realized i had made a mistake. Me and R were sitting slightly near the front while everyone else in my class immediately went to the back and started talking and playing games and even dancing, no one even bothered to ask why we weren't sitting with them, they didn't care. I felt betrayed and extremely alone. The rest of the trip was absolute hell, even one of the 'friends' who i thought cared and considered me to be one of her close friends completely ignored me and R and acted as if we didn't exist. On the last day of the trip i felt more alone than ever and just wanted to go home and refused to even talk to R, we both noticed how left out we were and as soon as we got to an ice cream store in the city i broke down and started crying in front of all the students and teachers. I hated myself for being so weak and sensitive but i couldn't help it and i couldn't hold back anymore, i had held it in the hold day and played it off as 'something got in my eye' whenever i teared up. I eventually revealed to one of my 'friends' how i felt at the bathroom of that store, R got angry because she felt that everyone would think of us as being pitiful and would look at us differently, at that time i didn't realize what she meant but now i truly do. After the trip R revealed she would be changing school and i had never felt more upset at her before, its not her fault i would've done the same if i were her for my future, i would transfer with her but i want to study abroad and my current school is one of the only schools in my country that would give me that opportunity. (I keep going off track I'm so sorry pls forgive me). Anyways, nowadays whenever R isn't around i can feel how awkward it is and how alone i am. For the most part some of the people I'm with try to get me involved in the conversations but i can tell its out of pity, but i still appreciate it even though it doesn't work. Now for the real reason why i came here looking for advice. I'm incredibly lonely and i don't know how i'll get by next year without R by my side and i need advice on how to finish up high school without friends. Please help me and tell how to get over feeling lonely and how to graduate high school without getting too affected by the fact that i don't have friends.
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Hi, although I haven't been in the exact situation as yours, I really feel your pain and am sorry for you. That feeling of loneliness is something that really gets to you and it is terrible that you have to go through this in your school and have no where else to go. From your writing I think that your character and thoughts are both mature. Maybe you are an introvert, but that is not a problem - there are many wise and mature introverts who became great people. But honestly I think it is just because of your environment - you went to the same school for 10 years, which isn't really helpful. Friendship groups form and it is easy to be left out. Maybe you go to a rural school and not many of your classmates are mature as you. I would really recommend you switching schools for your personal development. I know it is a large investment but you've gone through so much already, and if you suffer from serious mental illness it is very difficult to recover, so I think the investment is worth it. Could you maybe look into scholarships if your family cannot afford to send you to secondary school abroad?
If changing school doesn't work, it is best if you find some hobby or other that you can do with people outside school. I play music and it has heeling effects. If that doesn't work, there are some great online MOOC courses on edX and Coursera, maybe those can distract you away from your problems and feel more confident about yourself.
Finally, you are not alone. Those classmates who seem to be integrated in friend groups are also afraid of social exclusion so they stick to their comfort zone. That is why they don't want to be the odd one hanging out with you - because they are scared of being bullied. It is not your fault - you were just unlucky, and once you get into university your situation and environment will change and you'll make better friends!
It might not be the most instantaneously effective advice but I really hope that you'll feel better about yourself! Maybe you haven't met them yet, but there's always someone out there who'll care for you!
ReplyJust like, integrate yourself mate
ReplyI am 15, I am a Sophomore, my best friend's name started from R as well...Wow, we already have so much in common...You know my one and only best friend, she was a senior, and she graduated. But After she graduated, I found out that she knew all I have been going through and she didn't even text me to ask me how I am...I ignored that, but then her little sister told me everything after I was feeling a little fishy about her and after all my investigations and records of 2 and half months, I confirmed that she never considered our 15 years of friendship as "friends" but just as "acquaintances" or just someone who she knew...even online, I wasn't in her friend circles, just in "acquaintances"...I thought we were more than that??!! Well, what next? Now she is always online, texting her real friends, not even checking my profile...I miss my fake friend so much, now I don't even have a single friend in my whole life...so yeah, I don't even know anyone at school, so I just sit alone, eating lunch alone, staring at the walls and other people sitting with other people, at least talking to some faces...I am such a loner now, my overprotective parents don't even let me carry my phone to school to just stare at and pretend that I am at least texting "someone". Just stare at your phone and act like you are face timing someone, you'll make friends eventually, I hope I make one too.
ReplyFirst off I'm sorry this is happening to you. Myself growing up I was bullied and tease a lot even by the ones I thought was my friends. I loved sports but never got the chance to play always told there is always next year. I hated my school but what got me through my day is I new that I had friends from the other school that I wanted to go to but couldn't because of school zones. Yes I had one are two friends at the school I went to but it was that thing they would talk to me if they wasn't with their other friends. It sucks I know but I hung in there I knew all I had to do was get through school. Things change after highschool it will for you. What I find funny is when I go home to visit those people that gave me a hard time try to talk to me and what's even more funny is a lot of them are working at gas station are fast food places. So keep that in mind. Work hard and go to college and become something and you will be proud of your self. Hang in there I will pray for you. I just said a prayer for you. Trust in God he will fill that void in your life.
ReplyI was bullied, lonely, and left out in elementary and middle school, and what I found in high school is that once you join clubs or groups like band, chorus, dance, sports, international club, and anything that meets regularly, you can make friends with the same interests as you. Try it!! Get more involved, and you will find friends who appreciate you and share the same interests as you.
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