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i'm a person who doesn't like to wake up early morning but my husband insists that i should wake up early. today i got to know that he keeps record of the time i wake up on weekends. he says to me that he is afraid to go and live alone because i'm way too lazy and that he might not even get anything to eat.
truth be told i have already proven him this one time when his parents were away that i can wake up early, make him tea, prepare his breakfast & lunch while i'm also getting ready to go to work. when his mother is around there's not much for me to do. i also don't like to get involved. but i wash dishes, put laundry to dry, fold laundry & put them where they belong. i keep our room clean. i help his mother clean the kitchen. and yet he asks me what the hell i am doing. he says he's doing part time jobs. he is always doing something and i am not.
he talks like i don't do anything. sometimes i feel like that i am a person who was never meant to be married. but now that i have i feel like i wanna get out but i can't do that. don't want to shame my parents. also so many are watching for me to fail. so i don't want to give any one of them the satisfaction.
i just wish he could be a little more understanding of my feelings. i left my entire life style for him. i used to always have a pet. last year before i get married i lost my Kitty. she was with me for 10 years. i still can't get over her death. she was like my child. but now i'm not even allowed to have a pet cause his house has never had one and his mother doesn't like. he says he is also allergic to cats but he had no trouble staying at my room when he came to visit me at my house when we were dating. cause Kitty has slept practically everywhere in my room. i don't know. i don't think i will ever get closer to any pet like Kitty was with me. but i would at least liked to have the option.
i wish i never got married. i just want to have a pet and be with my parents. or hang out with that tight circle of friends of mine. but i know i made my parents happy by getting married. otherwise there's no peace of mind for them. also it's not like i don't love him. cause my parents never forced me to marry him. it's just we're like north pole & south pole and it's often hard see eye to eye.
i don't know. i just want to stop thinking and just keep writing but i need to get back to work. i want peace of mind.
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A marriage is bonding two people together and you both should be equal, it sounds like he is an old fashioned man and believes while he works you do all the cooking, and cleaning and mending to his needs. I understand taking care of you man but it becomes a problem when you cant even sleep because he wants you up at a certain time. Honestly problems can be worked out but if you are having doubts and its already like this , it doesnt mean you failed or you are giving you family satisfaction but it may be a good option to get out of the marriage. Every marriage is different and its hard to stay committed to someone that literally controls your sleeping schedule and makes you feel like you dont do anything. I dont think you should give up on marriage in general but i do think you should do something with your partner and maybe do counseling or maybe getting out of the relationship. I just think the problem you are having isnt to major to have a urgent divorce but should definitely should be something that needs to be talked about. It also sounds like to me you could be in your early 20s or maybe on the young side i could be wrong but you should never hold onto a broken relationship because of what you family might think.
Replyhe is an only child. he has always gotten what he wanted. may be that's why. yeah even i think so too. but if we started to talking about this subject he always ends up screaming at me. i don't wan t that cause i don't like conflict.
i will be turning 28 this july. he is 29.
during breakfast i asked from fellow worker what is gonna do if his girlfriend don't wake up early. he said since he can't cook he would prepare everything like cutting vegetable and then she can cook in the morning. when he asked what he would do if his girlfriend starts to wake up late on weekends he was like so what? i can't force her to wake up. it's her life as well. when i asked what about his breakfast he said so what about it? they will both be hungry and also he got married to someone and didn't take servant.
when i hear these things i really feel down. like why can't he be remotely like them. i mean even all of my friends husbands help them in the morning. my husband is saying since he's working all the time he cannot wake up and even prepare his tea.and you know i don't even drink tea.
i think i should go and see a counselor. it will be a year for this july since we got married. and when i heard he records the time i wake up on weekends i just didn't know what to think. i don't like to fight cause fights are ugly. i just don't know how to make him understand. i feel helpless
ReplyI find it really weird that he records you when you are sleeping its really odd, It shard because normal isnt a thing we all believe in our own aspect of normal but i can say that he is his own person and he has hands and he can make is own tea, you should be a team an is shouldnt be a one sided relationship , i just think its always hard for us people that our in relationships or marriages to get caught up in other peoples relationships and then we start comparing and that never helps, because every relationship is different and it does play a big role that he was the only child because he is used to everything handed to him and he expects that. I just think it will be hard for someone that was raised this way to change but its possible . I think maybe couple counseling would be better i know its probably something he wont do because he probably thinks he is perfect , sorry just a vibe im getting. p.s this is the same person that previously messaged. I have trouble myself comparing a relationship to my fiances aunt and uncle or comparing to my mom and dads because deep down i want what they ave and then i find myself pissed off at my fiance because he isnt like that and at the end of the day thats my fault because i knew who he was when i got with him and i now want to change him, i just think relationships and marriages are hard but they offer help for a reason because there are many of us out there struggling . I hope things do get better though , maybe sit down and have a talk with him , communication is a big then in a marriage and im sure if he loves you and he sees that what he is doing isnt considered right he may change or ease up into understanding alittle more.
Replythanks a lot for your thoughtfulness !! when i read your replies i feel at ease. even right now i don't know what to think about him recording my waking up times on weekends. yeah he thinks he is perfect. he doing his part so well. that he is the responsible one and i'm still childish.
and also yes i would look at my parents or friends and wish why can't i have a relationship like them. and it is also true that i knew exactly the kind of person he is when i married him. i guess we need to sit and have a long talk. but somehow he can put all the blame on me it would end up messy. that's why i am even afraid to think about talking.
but thanks again a lot !!
ReplyGirl I feel you 100%! I'm married too but different situation. I have the same thoughts and in about a month I'm filing for divorce. you got to make yourself happy first its not your parents life they already got married and are happy and hopefully they understand that. its your life and we only get one so enjoy it! And you also said many are watching you to fail, fail your marriage? or life? because trust me if you stay in that relationship based on what I read you will for sure fail every time! you got to put yourself first <3
Replyit's almost a year now since. i seriously feel like walking out sometimes but then again i remember how messy a divorce can be.. plus i know he really loves me. he even took care of me when i was sick. he is not the world's most caring or thoughtful husband but he would be there at most anyway. so thank u so much for ur reply. i know u r right. i need to put myself first
thanks again angelsthoughts !!
btw i like that we have matching IDs <3
Replyno problem I hope everything works out for the best ! <3
ReplyI m in d same situation except pets part.
I hear u sister.
Replyyeah hurricanes occur more than rainbows. thanks !
Reply