What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
I see you there, curled up in shame. Hiding from everyone because you feel unworthy. Dirty. Wrong. Used.
What your sister did was not your fault. Probably wasn't even her fault. She read that dirty magazine that your brother found. She got ideas. Maybe she was molested first. It doesn't matter why she did what she did. And it doesn't matter that you had a normal set of responses.
It matters that you choose to love yourself and move on. Not on. Forward. Move forward with pride in your resilience. You became an adult that has accomplished things. Worked through hard stuff. Helped a lot of people.
That's what you have to look forward to.
But as you move through life just do me a favor. Don't hate yourself. It leads to more sadness and acting out. Porn is not an escape. It is the jail keeper. Porn is the thing that you discovered after your sister left you alone. It made you feel better.
And worse.
You remember the first time you saw it. The rush of feeling you'd only felt before when your sister wanted to play. You were already used to the guilt of doing something you knew was wrong deep-down. You already knew the feeling of having to keep a secret. To be sneaky.
That was the first time you climaxed. You didn't mean to. It actually hurt. But that was the first time. You'd barely hit puberty. How could you know that would be such a pivotal moment?
I'm so sorry that you had to hide for so long. Years of secret guilt and shame. Years and years of trying to control something you didn't understand.
So, my younger self, I have a message for you: don't be afraid to seek out help. Be open. Be kind, especially to yourself. You're going to be OK and you're going to make it. You're a good person that's done nothing wrong except to hate yourself.
Now you need to forgive. Especially yourself.
I love you.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
Quite beautiful!!! Even hating yourself if part of the trauma. Resilience is being able to heal and then feel love and empathy for you and others.
Reply