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I want to die, i don't want to live anymore.. Could someone please accidentally kill me? Stab me if you will.. Isolation, being abandoned must be a thing for me.. Must be a talent.. Must be one of the gifts of God exclusively for me.. I don't know what to do anymore..
Why do i stick to my phone 24/7?? Why you ask... Because it's the only thing that keeps me sane... It's the only thing that gives me temporary happiness.. To get things off my mind.. Friends? They all abandoned me.. I envy those who have true friends.. I'm probably just a tool for my brain.. Having friends is probably not for someone like me.. I'm a guy.. I'm the weird guy.. I'm not sporty at all.. My interests don't coincide with theirs.. Family? They don't understand me.. And they never will.. They're not and will never be the type to listen.. I am alone.. No one cares about me.. I ask myself why i even put up with school.. I may have brains.. But what's the point of working yourself to death in the future.. If i got a good job, family.. Would i be happy then? Would life be worth living? I don't know.. Nor do i really care anymore.. I don't see the point in life.. People might say.. "the point in life is to do good, help our fellowmen, work yourself to death, raise a family so they would end up in the same miserable fate" and so the cycle goes on.. There's no point in life.. And if there is.. I would probably refuse to accept the idea.. I'm sure I'm not thinking straight.. There's definitely something wrong with me.. If i jump.. Would anyone even miss me? Would anyone care? I think not.. My life is worth nothing.. If there is such a thing as a past life.. I probably did something very bad in that life to deserve this kind of life.. I want to get things over with.. My thoughts are all over the place and I don't even know if they are actually making sense but all i know right now is that.. I'm tired.. Very tired.. I'm done.. I don't wanna keep living a life like this.. I want things to end.. If people said i should be thankful for the life i have.. I'd probably say.. What's there to be thankful for? Blessings? Lmao.. I probably received more misfortunes than blessings.. So what's there to be thankful for? Is it better to just end things? I don't know.. But that's all i can think about..
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ReplyThat's what I'm trying to convince myself with... But the more i try to do that.. The more i pity and feel sorry for myself for being like this.. That no matter what happens.. I'll never know what it's like to have someone true, a friend.. Don't you think it's sad that you would only have yourself..
ReplyHave you tried taking a break from your phone?
ReplyI have.. But.. It just showed me how things are in reality.. And it sucks tbh.. It drives me insane to be in a public place with nothing to do.. I feel people's stares.. I feel like I'm being judged.. I'm already as solated as it is.. My phone gets me out of the awkwardness, it gets me out of the idea that I'm being watched or talked behind my back...
ReplyYou and I both. It really hit me when you said would you be happy if you got married or had a family..? Just to raise children to have to go through the same thing. Honestly, I feel the same way. I think maybe one day I can be okay maybe one day I’ll get married and I wouldn’t feel this way anymore. Or what if I was married but still felt this way..? So as of right now I’m just trying to find my purpose. I feel so alone right now and there’s nothing I can do about it. What is the meaning? Hmm maybe you are wanting more from life? I read that you have so many misfortunes and that is painful. I can honestly relate to that as well. However, there’s something inside of me that doesn’t want to suffer through all of this without knowing why I’m here. So the only think I’m holding onto is finding out the meaning of my life. All I can see is please stay. I honestly care about what you are feeling and you are not alone. Are there things you really want to do..? Never mind the obstacles that are in the way but just think of what you would like to do. As for me I want to be an actress, I want to perform, I want to be a stunt person for movies, I want to write a poetry book, I want to jump out of a plane at least once, I want to help people, I want to dance and learn karate. Those are just something’s that come to mind. All I can say is try to push your limits see what hidden potential you have. There’s so much more to you than you even know. Why not see what’s inside of you that’s been wanting to get out.
ReplyThank you for reply.. All i can say, is maybe I'll give it a try.. I'll try to be optimistic.. But right now.. I don't know.... I don't have anything i particularly want.. I have no motivation.. I have no goal.. There aren't people i care about who cares about me, they've all abandoned me, used me.. I feel like I'm mindlessly walking a path..
ReplyEnrich yourself, yourbeing. That is the first step to have people who resonate with you, into your life. Go out, stay away from media and digital social, the library is a good place, nature is a good place... to release energy and to be recharged...
ReplyNature is a good place indeed.. But I don't have the time to be in such places.. And as for the library.. The librarian here is a cranky lady which makes things hard..
ReplyOh and i hope you do find your purpose.. Live your life and do what you want.. Thanks again!
ReplyYesterday at least 3 of my friends and even I felt this way, I don't know wtf happened with jun 11th... today I feel much better, however our relationships are leading us to anxiety and eventually to get these suicidal feelings. Hang on!!.. ups and downs are normal, but the courage to keep your vibrations up will make things much better.
Me and some of my friends, (whom I dont see for a long time as we live in different countries but we grew up together), meditate. Twice a day, three times a day... you'll see the universe conspiring to help you get things done and with partial results within a few weeks.
Remember, your soul guides your body in this "school", we all graduate, just don't miss class...
cheer up!!
ReplyI will tnx
ReplyGet off social media, go for a hike or to the beach, get a few hours of nature in you.
Replyagree ^^^
hiding behind electronics only increases the negative thinking and isolation
ReplyI shall do what i can.. Thanks you guys.. I've gotten some things off my mind so i feel a lot better..
Reply