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I just turned 18, I'm working a babysitting job and two other side jobs, I'm homeschooled so I'm doing a bunch of homework all at the same time cause I'm trying to get done. I don't know if it's that I'm getting overwhelmed or what but I feel me sinking back into depression and it's getting bad again, on top of that my boyfriend of almost 2 years is being distant, i try to keep him happy and my parents but it's hard to do both, I've gotten to where the other day I was at my grandmas house cleaning up for her a little, she was gone cause a doctors appointment, well I noticed she had a bunch of muscle relaxers, I was having a bad day, me and my boyfriend got into a bad fight we was being distant, I felt as maybe I'd help people out if they didn't have to worry about me anymore, maybe If I could just lay down and go to sleep for a bit I wouldn't have to wake up anymore, I'm tired, I'm tired of trying 150 percent always making sure I look in a good mood I'm tired of waking up and wondering why can't I just be enough why does everyone expect so much, but in a way I know I don't want to die but I don't want to be alive either, I just don't want to be here now, i thought to myself maybe the muscle relaxers would make me feel better so I started off 1 then I took another then another and next thing I knew I took 4 or 5 by this time I went home I was laying down feeling like I couldn't really move, I noticed I started to drift asleep but I also felt like it was hard to breathe my chest felt heavy of course I don't think I took enough to hurt me but I guess I don't really know what to do anymore, I don't have anyone cause I feel like my bf is in a bad place as it is so I don't want to make it worse and just seem like a attention whore so I say nothing, can't talk to my parents cause they have a stressful life as it is, so that's why I turned here maybe writing would help it has some
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Muscle relaxers won't help you to feel better. What's going on isn't muscular, it's psychological. You're doing a lot. Make sure you're scheduling time for self care and engaging in some activities that help you to recharge. Do your best every day and stop worrying about keeping others happy - that's not your job. Focus on your own success and your own goals for your future.
ReplyI don't know what will help you. But I just want you to know that you're not alone. I'm in a similar situation. But I'm doing my best to move forward, so you do the same too, ok? Never give up. There's still a lot of life ahead of you. A lot of people yet to meet. A lot of places yet to see. Heck you're only 18. Life starts from here. So if the present gets too hectic, just look forward to all the beautiful days you could have in the future.
ReplyWell, your schedule doesnt sound like you have any time set aside for yourself, and thats probably not helping your depression. If your boyfriend is distant, honestly you will find another, and right now school and work should take priority over him. If he has the ability to help you out but doesnt, drop him. Talk to your parents. Tell them you are overwhelmed, but you dont want to pull back from work or school. And you need some advice.
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