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Its been a while since I wrote anything. I took the decision to stay with him and see where it takes us. I thought I am able to make him feel better and modify his ways of dealing with disappointment but I couldn't. He smokes a lot whenever he is stressed and we tried to eliminate this habit of his but he couldn't and I understood that , I told him its okay as long as he reduces the intake for the sake of his health. Whenever he gets sad, angry and with any problem or a difficulty he comes across he starts drinking. I am against it but I understood why he started and what made him do it. Now he does it even when the situation can be handled he does it for fun. I hate how he doesn't care for his health as much as I do , I keep on telling him that and I got tired of it. He says he wants to start a family with me and he can take this step but he is reckless and I know how it will end. I hate how the person he fears to be like he is slowly turning to him. I am so damn scared and worried, I told him I am not giving up on him but it seems like he doesn't really care and he is not even trying to be who he used to be. I understand it takes time but I dont think he is willing to be who he promised to be. He keeps on saying my presence is important to him but I dont feel it. He is doing what he used to do when he didn't have anyone to hear him out and be with him , then what am I doing here. I care for him so damn much, when we sleep and I can't hear his breathing over the call I panic and tell him to keep the mic closer he makes fun of me. I don't want to give up on him I really don't but I think I will reach my limit soon.
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