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All the time I was trying to convince myself that I do not want to have children of my own,
I want you to know that it's all a lie.
Everytime someone asks me why I don't have kids yet and I respond saying that I am not ready yet,
I want you to know that I am more than ready for you.
Each month I tell myself I am not going to keep any hopes this month,
I want you to know my heart keeps breaking everytime periods show up.
Whenever me and the man who'd love you unconditionally, go to the doctor for a last blood test/ last scan/ last something or other that is never the last,
I want you to know that despite the brave face he puts on, he grieves your absence, probably a lot more than I do.
Everytime I see someone's posts on FB that they had a baby,and I take a deep breath, gulp down the sobs and congratulate them,
I want you to know it's not that I am not happy for them it's just that I am sad for us.
We are desperately ready for you.
When you do show up we promise to always be good, kind, and to love and cherish you for the rest of our lives. ❤️
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I wrote this 2 weeks back and within a week found out I was finally pregnant. I immediately bought some bedtime stories for a baby only been conceived for less than 5 weeks as per the doctor's estimation. And a week after finding out I was pregnant for the first time, last night I had my first miscarriage. I am broken and in pain both physically and emotionally. But I am so lucky to have my husband who loves me unconditionally. I just wish I could take away his pain, the pain he tries to never show or burden me with. I would happily carry it if I can, he gives me so much and asks for so little and yet all I seems to be able to do is give him grief.
ReplyI feel you. The post on face book are the worst. I try to stay off facebook because it seems my news feed is always filled with pictures of happy families and pregnant mothers. You need to keep your head up. You will have your family and it will come exactly when you need it. The right frame of mind can change everything.
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