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Agapi mou,
Or should I even call you that?
We have never been anything more than just friends,
Yet I feel such a longing in the deepest parts of my aching heart.
This feeling is foreign to me,
Such as the language that you speak,
Which touches my ears,
Which graces them with the foreign vowels and consonants,
Which I do not yet comprehend.
I do not understand this feeling inside of me,
It is a happiness,
So bright and yet so sad,
Because it destroys so many valuable things:
Friendship, laughter, even life.
I have heard that to love is to destroy.
But I haven’t woken up from this daydream yet,
Where I lie in a patch of sunshine,
Laughing while you lie next to me and tell me a joke,
Being in the peaceful of your embrace,
And I do not wish to return to the world where none of this may be true.
I wish I could tell you,
For the words that I want to scream from the highest tower only come out when I am alone.
I try to be happy when we speak,
When we write each other,
But I always have to think about you in something other than friendship,
Something other than what you feel for me.
I wonder then,
If my fondness for you will ever go away,
Perhaps wash away like the sand on my feet when I return from the shores of the ocean,
Which is as endless as my care for you.
When I told you what I am,
You never doubted me,
You never questioned what I said,
Like so many others,
For that I will forever be grateful.
When we converse,
It is as if I have become a part of an old book,
Our words are strange to ears nowadays,
But you and I understand each other,
It is like a secret language,
And it makes my heart beat faster,
Like the wings of a hummingbird.
Every time I think of you,
Every time I see your smile,
How your eyes light up,
Your lips curve upwards,
And you look away from me,
As if ashamed that you are smiling,
As if ashamed of your own smile,
But you have the most wonderful and beautiful smile in all the world,
And I love it because it is a part of you.
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