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My family - my dad particularly - have never been shy about expressing their homophobia. My dad would be satisfied if every gay man and woman would seize to exist; died. I am not reading between the lines either; he has expressed that thought quite proudly at the dinner table more than a few times. And every time he does, every time he makes himself chuckle with a homophobic remark, I sit there, trying to force a smile (because god forbid I protest against homophobia), imagining his words are directed straight at me. Like all those remarks of his have the sole purpose of erasing my "gayness". Ironically, in the same breath, he talks about how important family is and how unconditional our love. He talks about a future, mine and my (twin) brother's, where we are married to wonderful wives and have beautiful children. But what if instead I had a husband? Would he value that family? Would he continue to love me unconditionally? I think it would kill him. If not him, then my mother. Herein lies the paradox then: will they sustain their value of family in this warped context, or would they abandon it. (I must exaggerate how important family is for them) (also how they abhore homosexuality). They have no clue I am gay, so I am suspended in such irony that it doesn't even feel real. There is hope however. Recently, I've come to discover that my more distant family and close family friends are much more tolerant than my parents. Occasionally, they would start debating my dad on the subject; me, an optimistic bistander. Unfortunately, no one ever quite "wins", so the next family dinner, the same homophobic remarks are made and life goes on. But in a year, I will be 18, and I crave a real relationship or even the plausibility of one. I could keep pretending for the rest of my life, but I don't want to waste my one life. I also don't want to hurt the people who raised me and who would give their lives for mine. There is no satisfying conclusion as far as I can see now. So I will continue to privately watch every LGBTQ coming-of-age cliché teenage high school drama that Netflix has to offer, and maybe one day work up the courage to finally tell my parents the truth.
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I can't even imagine how hard this can be. I'm straight, but all my family is tolerant and open-minded, so I know it would be fine if I wasn't. I'm sorry to say this, but homophobia is a huge ignorance. Judging someone by their sexual orientation - no better than judging someone based on their race or religion. But people tend to behave like that when they face something that they don't understand or find strange, un-natural. (Because sure, evolutionally people "shall be" heterosexual in order to reproduce.) Also lets not forget, that many homophobic people are latent gay. But does your father actually treat gay people differently? Is he rude to them or idk, or he simply has these views, but he doesn't act on it? Because that's already something.
Replyhey! i'm in a very similar situation, actually. i'm a lesbian. in the closet. my dad is super homophobic. he's constantly making gay jokes, too. and, like yours, he's proudly declaring his beliefs for everyone, including me, to hear. constantly. my mom, though a little more understanding, is against gay marriage too and the whole "gay" thing makes her kinda antsy. but she's not belligerent like my father. still though, it's terrifying to see both my parents feel this way. the way i get through it is my friend, let's call him tim. tim is bi, so i felt more comfortable talking to him about this sort of thing. i confided in him. he gives me a lot of advice, nowadays. his mom was shocked when he told her at first, and didn't talk to him for like a week. so he kinda knows the struggle. he's helping me come up with a plan.
so here's my advice: find yourself a tim. it may be hard. you may have to search far and wide. but it'll help if you find someone that understands what you're going through. even someone online. someone to talk to and to receive advice from. it'll help you a lot and make you feel less alone.
best of luck to you! and i do the same thing with netflix.
i think you'll find the courage. i know i am. tim is helping me.
find. a. tim.
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