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I'm a 21 year old girl with no job, college debt, one friend who's leaving in less than a month, with no sense of direction in my life. I live with my parents and 3 other siblings all younger than me. I may be the oldest, but my 19 year old sister tramples over me and considers herself to be the one in charge because I'm not fit for the position. She studies, gains money, has all the tech in the world, pays for her things, goes out often, and she has a better career choice than I do. I don't want to disappoint anyone in the family so I do what they tell me to do. My mom says I should stand my ground but... I don't want anyone mad at me.
I have one best friend whom I hang out with exclusively, one friend that I really adore and love and wish to be with all the time, and he's moving soon. I suddenly realized that without him I have no one. Am I really that obsessive? Am I really that dependent? He doesn't seem to mind but... when I had one of my rants earlier and I kept shooting down all his attempts at helping me, he got noticeably annoyed. I don't want to lose him, so today I refused to tell him that something was wrong. But instead I ended up ignoring the chat.
I don't know how people live as single. Not that I want a partner, but I miss any kind of physical touch. Sometimes I play with my hair or pat my back pretending its someone else, then remind myself its just me and I end up crying all over again. I haven't stopped crying.
I don't know how artists start up their business. I've been drawing and offering any kind of service for at least 6 years. I really tried to get peoples attention, I really do want to make money and start saving towards moving out but how does that happen? How do I build up? How do I become visible to a world that hates me? Is it because of Karma? Fate? Bad luck? I don't know.
I don't know if its such a good idea to keep on living.
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yes, art as a career choice is rarely lucrative unless specialized (such as automotive design etc.) often best left as a hobby. perhaps if you're skilled in a specific area, you can find a job with an established company.
Replymaybe you can go back to school for advertising or something
ReplyI'm currently studying a short career option in baking, I've only been in one month or so and I owe $545 up front already. Art schools where I live are very scarce and even more expensive than the college I'm in now
Replyyou could try to get hired by an after school program, teaching art to kids. or by one of those painting with a twist places. or go back to school to get an education degree and really become a teacher.
ReplyMy college is not exactly... well specified for anything really. There's no such thing as clubs and if there are, they aren't done well in practice. Art shops are open in very few locations nearby my home town, yet to rent a place just to start is just terrible
Replyyou have no job and bills to pay. time to get a job- any job - while you figure the rest out.
ReplyYou got a lot of comments so I'm not sure if you would want my advice but I'll give it to you anyway being I'm 21 and at home from college too. For starts about you not wanting to make anyone mad or upsetting your parents I feel you my parents have high expectations and big dreams for me but it wasnt until I realized last semester that what they want doesn't make me happy I want to do things my way. Here's the very first thing you can do you need to start becoming independent and look out for yourself take a job even if it's Macdonald or something like that it's a start for you do you're art on the side and maybe do something fun like a small art show type thing here and there that will hopefully get your name out there and also do some stuff on instagram too social media will be a big help too as for your only friend moving away all I can tell you as someone who lost their only friend from being betrayed by him learn to be their for yourself it'll be hard god knows it was for me because I went from talking to him everyday to not at all but it's different for you you can still kik and snapchat him all the time but don't get overly attached unless you think you might want to be more than his friend or something like that and about how you treated him for trying to help you girl you need to work on letting him in to help you he's your best friend that's what they do he may not have the words you want to hear but he might have the words you need to hear.
ReplyI appreciate the comment, thank you for that. I do have trouble with trying to get on my own two feet most of the time and people are my crutch, yet I do want a better life for me. Its just being alone is what hurts. Life should be dealt with alone before you find someone to let in and deal with it together, but I haven't done that right for 10 years. I do like it when he helps and hopefully I get rid of my habits of throwing him off. And my parents did have high expectations for a girl that graduated High Honor with straight As, but even with that I'm not the one that stands tall. Its like... I guess like a version of Stockholm Syndrome? I'm not sure if I should compare this to that, but its the one word I can think of.
But this comment helps, so thank you
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