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I think I have dermatillomania (?) because I pick at my skin all the time. My mom thinks she can solve it by being with me all the time and constantly harassing me about it and reminding me about it in public very obviously.
Recently, she's been letting me handle it on my own (basically, I try to not do it and hope it succeeds). If I am perfect at it (just by trying because I don't know what else to do) then I can keep doing my own thing and she'll let me alone a little. Mind you, she still calls me out in public, constantly asks if I'm 'okay' when I'm in the bathroom, forces me to show her my arms as proof, and reminds me of her expectations of my perfection.
Whenever I slip up and there are new spots, she'll threaten me with "doing it her way", which is all of the above, but I must stay with her literally 24-7. I would not be allowed to go anywhere, I wouldn't even be able to go to the bathroom or sleep alone.
Sometimes she'll corner me and ask me questions. She'll ask if I've though up any magical technique to stop (I have never once come up with one I think will work), and she gets mad when I don't have any. She'll ask when I pick most. I don't really know, but I sometimes try to speculate and guess a little. But I really really don't want to answer because it'll just give her something more to harass me about. So I usually answer "I don't know" and she'll lecture me about how I should know because I'm doing it and I need to work harder and think harder and figure it out.
She asks for my ideas about what's going on, but she's already got an idea in her head about what's causing it and she thinks she knows how to "treat" it on her own (see "doing it her way") and she won't listen to anything I say. If I even try to bring something up, she'll end up screaming at me. It's completely useless.
She won't even consider letting me see someone to see if I have dermatillomania because she thinks she knows how to deal with it and "fix" it. She constantly tells me that ever since I figured out that dermatillomania was a thing I've been getting worse because I think it's not my fault and I "refuse to do anything to fix it". She constantly berates me for "not trying hard enough".
She calls it "supporting me".
The worst thing is that she could be right. Maybe I just have horrible self control and I'm letting this happen to me in order to feel special. Maybe she is right and I don't know enough. Maybe I"m making up excuses for being lazy. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough. I don't know anything and it's so confusing and stressful.
And then again, I'm probably being overreactive. I'm being a baby about something completely normal and she's just reigning me in.
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She is afraid and she cares about you. She doesn't understand so she tries to rationalize it any way she can. She wants what's best for you. Your personal problem is more than just one medical term. You shouldnt try to label it but you should demand to see a doctor if you feel you should because it is your body and you know when something isn't right.
Replythanks, man
ReplyHi,
First, I don't think you should be calling yourself an idiot. You obviously have some brains (and personality!) to be able to to share your thoughts and situation so well!
Having what sounds like Dermatillomania or an Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) related condition like you are sharing can be associated with many psychological and human physical causes. I have someone I know who faced a very similar situation to yours. She was not only doing things with her skin, but also her hair and fingernails. If she had a scab she just kept going at it.
You might want to ask your mom to take you to a walk-in clinic. You might mention to your mom there are actually very safe very low dose medicines (SSRI's) that you can take that for many people with your situation can really help. I know it sounds funny taking a pill to solve a problem but it really can possibly help! There are helpful medicines for many with Dermatillomania.
Also, you might want to see if there is a local support group in your community to attend. Actually what you are liviving is actually quite common. Sometimes it's nice to know you are not the only one dealing with your situation!
There are also mental health people who can assist. These specialist people can sometimes get to understand what might me possibly influencing your mind and body to behave the way it is thinking and acting. They can possibly work with you to get to what your heart, mind, and soul is really seeking. is it loss or abandonment? Nervousness? Insecurities? Embarrassment? Other cravings? Identity issues? Curiosities? A need for power? A need for love? Abuse? It can be a variety of these or many other reasons possibly behind what is driving you behavior. It might be helpful to get to what is the real underlying issue(s) so you can find real understanding.
I found with many of my own life challenges talk (communication), awareness, understanding, feeling accepted, safety, etc., can be a very powerful instruments to recovery and hopefully ultimately wellness. It's just many of us don't have anyone perhaps the best suited or feel safe to talk to. You can always call a local mental health association or hotline and get more feedback and advice. There are experts out there who deal with your situation every day. The have the training, background, and tools to help. It can even be free.
Please don't think you have to make this issue for you or your mother something to face alone. There is a lot known (and some still not fully researched, such as the full genetic history) about the condition you are experiencing. It may even just be in your biology. Unfortunately, many of those facing your condition turn to feelings of self blame, self harm, self loathing, even feelings of hopelessness and self betrayal. You don't have to beat yourself up. You by your well-thought message show you are a person of tremendous love, insight, and character. You (like any of us) sometimes respond to our life events with responses ('picking') we hope to help us, but can become in the end be hurtful.
It's finding what can be useful and helpful to you to feel you are the person of your personal choosing, one of physical and emotional health.
I know I kind of go on longwinded.... please continue to research and learn in books and the internet about Dermatillomania and associated conditions. Things like Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has been shown to be helpful for many people, also with my friend's issues. (Don't get too tied down with the big psychological words. There's information on the internet if you do a google search.) It's finding the right tools in the toolbox of life for what you need.
Trust too that things will get better! Take care friend!
ReplyHey idk if you're still on this site. I'm the person who originally posted this and I wanted to retroactively thank you for your response. You took the time to validate my struggles and offer genuine advice and empathy. I appreciate it so much. I've gotten a lot better mental health and I'm able to handle this issue much better now that I love on my own. I did find an online community as well, and that helped a lot
Thank you and I appreciate you :)
Reply