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I'm a 22 years old girls who suffers a lot from being the concern of the family. I cannot go outside whenever I want or even hangout with my friends like others. There are so many strict rules in the house. What make it all even more worst is that I live in an arabian country with a family afraid of being different. you know how one sheep follows the herd, thats my family. they think if you go out this herd you will be dead. i even cannot have my own room by myself because they have this thought that someone somehow will come and rape me!!!! I'm tired of this life where i cannot find my freedom..
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I am sorry to hear your situation. It sounds extremely challenging.
I know sometimes out of evil, greed, selfishness, love, fear, concern, or other reasons parents, family, or others impose rules and expectations that are sufferingly harsh.
When I was a teen (I live in the USA) I was sometimes locked in a government jail, kept as a secret prisoner. I was even tied up with ropes or kept handcuffed. I always wondered what was the point of the rope or handcuffs? I was already in a government fortress with steel doors and bulletproof glass. I wasn't going to be going anywhere because I couldn't escape!
It breaks my heart to hear your situation. I know that feeling of being kept prisoner, that feeling of being controlled.
I hope you can find the strength to stay strong and persevere. Know that no matter what, you can one day live free. In the meantime live free in your heart and mind. I used to dream when I was kept prisoner of being someplace free. I would dream I was in a loving safe places. I would dream I was back with my mom and dad, and the rest of my family. I would pretend in my mind things were different. Imagining and pretending really became tools to cope with the reality of my situation.
I hope you can find ways to endure and ultimately find a way out from your situation.
After many years I was able to escape. I had to go live in another country located on the other side of the world, but at least I was not getting beaten, raped, or brutalized.
After two years of exhile, not even interacting with my family except through mostly cards and letters, I returned to my family in California.
It was even still painful. I was so worried, poor, and emotionally broken I was skin and bones. I shook in fear. My body still showed the evidence of some of my earlier beatings, torture, and terror. It felt strange seeing my family after such a long absence. Our family dog I used to play and run with angrily barked at me. I had been gone for so long our dog had forgotten who I was.
Maybe someday I will write a book about what happened to me. Most people wouldn't believe what I lived. Besides, things like Abu Ghraib Prison and Guantanamo Bay Prison don't even matter to most USA people. Most Americans wouldn't accept that children were being kept imprisoned, stolen from their families.
I hope you too one day will find your freedom, your voice too.
Be patient.
"Seek the open door" I later told myself.
Take care. I know very much the similar feelings you live.
ReplyYour words are appreciated and will definitely make me stronger.
Waiting for that book to be published, and let not only your voice but ours too in that book.
ReplyI know the feeling too well. We are on the same boat. We are even the same age. Hahahahaa. The worse feeling is when that feeling hits you again that you feel that your life is miserable and all the things you hate just comes crushing down on you. Your head just goes "damn this sucks, fucking hate it" Im pretty sure what goes in your head has more bad words cause that would be what I would say in my head hahahaha. Don't worry girl you aint alone. I hope that you get to have your own room and go to sleepovers and go whereever you want and be whoever you want to be. Don't follow the herd. Stray from it for it will lead you to freedome. Now that's some binle shit right there hahaha. Hope you have a great day
Bianca AGP
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