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I find comfort and solace
in a man whose laugh lines
are deep like the grand canyon.
I long to run my nimble fingers
through graying hair.
I want to be smothered
by the baggage and regret
that he carries every day.
I grasp and clutch
hairy knuckles and calloused hands
against my chest
in hopes that my heart will get the message.
What can I say,
other than the fact
that I am an 18-year-old female
who can't relate to her peers
when it comes to who they swipe right on bumble.
My age settings are always way too high
and my standards have hit rock bottom.
I don't know who I am anymore,
what I want,
or what my future may hold.
Because I long for laugh lines,
hairy knuckles,
calloused hands,
graying hair,
baggage,
regret,
and someone who has already lived their life,
because I can't figure out
how to live mine.
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