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I never really learned how to talk to people.
Oh, I know the basics like 'How's it going', 'Good Morning', 'Please', 'Thanks', all that, the bare minimum starters to conversations, and also questions like 'What's your favorite thing?', but beyond that, I never really learned the way of holding a conversation beyond a few sentences and then silence, and thus never truly made friends on my own up to this point in my life.
I was the 'shy child' when I was a kid. Everyone else seemed to make friends and talk to others as naturally as breathing. While the others played together, I seemed to wander the asphalt or grass unless joining a group that was recruiting members for their games. Later on, as a teen I wasn't 'shy', I was able to talk to others without real fear or nervousness, but I had the definite disadvantage of not quite ever knowing what to say to progress or jump into a conversation. In high school it was the same, people talked and made friends as naturally as anything, and I always wondered how they did it.
I know now it's a form of practice, like any other skill, it gets better the more you use it. But that didn't change the way that I felt then in school. As if there were some sort of solid barrier between them and me, that made them somehow better. I walked the hallways alone, I ate alone, I studied alone, and always just pulled a book out whenever it was allowed talking time. I hated myself for what I was and what I couldn't do, I compared myself to others and envied them for being able to do such a thing so easily.
I wondered sometimes what it would be like to walk the halls with someone else by your side or eat with people at lunch. There were times I longed for it, but for the most part, I was generally used to being on my own at this point. It had always been this way. Life after high school was much the same and unfortunately, I haven't progressed much in this skill. But I have a much better perspective on things now, such as it's useless to compare yourself to other people or care too much about what others think. And I don't hate myself anymore, just the way I can never seem to advance in this skill of holding a conversation. So my question is this: how does one learn to talk to other people? Are there any certain things I can practice in order to get better at it?
Thanks for reading! :)
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Story of my life. I know everyone's different, everyone has different ideas on what is and isn't. So I won't assume you're "just like me" but ill try to point out some of the problems I have as well since I haven't mastered the art of conversation either.
For me when I see people talking I get discouraged about talking about myself. The factora involved are usually whether or not what I say is interesting, if they'll judge me, what they look like, if what I wanna ask is too personal, if more than one person is around, or if I got into the image. Every conversation I ever have is filled with these questions. I worry about making a lasting impression since firat impressions last a lifetime. If you can relate lemme know.
It always comes off strange being the odd one out and it always will, both to you and the people around you. Its not bad, it just means you don't function like the majority. You have expectations of yourself and this prevents you from expressing yourself in a realistic way. There's a reason you here the youth nowadays saying "I hang with people who are real" or something to that effect. I don't wanna be that guy, but you're fine the way you are. You enjoy what you want when you want, you're only problem is you want others to be there for it. Life is a cruel place and lonliness is crueltys mistress.
This where ill get subjective. For me, communicating isn't a skill. I could be a god at talking but I wouldn't enjoy my company if I was surrounded by people I can't relate to. A meaningful relationship is more than the sum of its parts. I could make you laugh if I gave it a try but does that make us beat buds? Of course not. A relationship is founded on common ground. If you talk to people and they chose not to talk again, then that's a good sign you wouldn't be too happy with the resulting friendship.
I personally think its not about the skill, bit the people who here it. A true friend is someone who knows you on a deeper level yet chooses to remain loyal. Keep trying my friend, eventually you'll find people who are thicker than blood. I haven't flu d my brother until well after high school and now we're closer than any friend I had back then. I wager it takes an understanding of you and a step outaide your comfort zone to really understand this.
Not sure if I was helpful or not but that's my ten cents.
Cheers and if you ever need a shoulder to lean on you can count on me.
Blessings of the moon on your journey.
ReplyThanks for the advice, it really does help to hear things from another's perspective. Those do seem like some of the factors that would make me hesitate in talking to others. If I would sound stupid, or if I don't seem to be knowledgeable on the current subject, etc. And yes, I did know that some common ground is necessary. I think all I need now is experience and more opportunities to keep at it. Thanks again for helping, and where do you think good places are to meet people if you don't mind my asking?
ReplyI'm glad I could help. Makes posting that much more better. And well, I can't say for sure a place to have a chat. But if I had to take a stab at it I'd say a place you gind personally enjoyable. Like if you're browsing your favorite movies or looking for a book you like. If you find someone there, comment on their choice of media or drink. Make it a point to say youre interested in what they are looking at. I like to make friends at barnes and noble by reading the title of a boom another customer is looking at. Then I try to ask if they recommend it and why. Question them until they feel comfortable enough to ask the same questions to you. Because if they are in a place you like, chances are they share similar experiences.
Agai. Sorry if any of this is no help, but I'm glad you wanna make the effort to try.
Cheers! And blessings of the moon on your journey
ReplyIt is not easy at all to have friends and i consider myself to have few real friends and some i knew because of a friend of a friend. I learned that sharing a common interest is always a good start of a conversation and can keep a conversation going. Either its ur favorite tv show,book,author,artist,music,celebrity etc. Then adding each others social media accounts,or phone number. Then sharing the common interest to one another. I hope this can help. Take care and have a nice day.
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