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Hey, it's your birthday! Yours was really the only one we celebrated with any kind of regularity. Like you were the only person worthwhile celebrating. Never resented that, just a funny detail that I noticed now that you're not here anymore.
You're not here anymore. True and untrue. I don't feel your presence like I used to- like I could walk around the corner and still see your sweet bearded smile, see you laughing at some stupid thing you found online. I don't feel that much anymore. You know how a place seems to take on the energy of the people who inhabit it? And even after they are gone, you can still feel it in the air, in the walls, in the floorboards? I just don't anymore. But I don't think that has anything to do with you and everything to do with me. I want to be gone from this place even though I don't know where the hell I would go. The few people who care about me live her. Do I really want to go be where not a single soul knows or cares? Maybe I'm thinking you'll go with me. I'm sure there's places in the world you would like to see me go, since you were never able to. Every day of my life I will be disappointed that we weren't able to do more for you- the man with the adventurous spirit and inquisitive mind. How trapped you must have felt.
Now I'm the one trapped in all these stupid rambling thoughts spewing from my mind at 5 am.
All I came here to say is that I miss you, I'm glad you're no longer trapped in a body that doesn't work and I hope eternity is an amazing, beautiful adventure. I love you forever, brother.
-M
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