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Why am I always stuck like this? Why do I always have to compete? I have a uni entrance test in five days, plus an interview and group discussion for another uni the day after tomorrow. After I'm done with these, I have to join looong classes for prep for another uni. Besides all this I am expected to keep up with all my hobbies (reading and drawing). People are always just racing ahead, and I am expected to do the same...? I'm a person with social anxiety. Why can I never just BREATHE? Relax? Calm down, sip some water and clear my head of all my worries for a few minutes, hours, a few days?! Why am I always frantically trying to keep up? I feel like I have nothing great to "showcase" like everyone else. I just want to go through life calmly instead of always feeling like I'm running a marathon against the world. I have depression, I need time to fix it! I need time to heal. But either no one knows or they don't understand. I want time to stop for a while so I can mend myself. Mental health is so important, I can't be on a wild race all the time! I want to breathe!
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Its a marathon where you have to run, because there is no choice. See there are alot of competition and people are waiting to step on you and move ahead.
I know there are alot of pressure with the studies but one thing which I have learnt so far is that the books never leave your side at any cost.
See people will change, time changes but the selflessness of books never changes. It will be their with you by providing consistent knowledge to you. And I believe you should give your 100% in this entrance test and crack it. I know its easy saying but I have also experienced it and realised that the happiness which you get after putting all your 100% effort is amazing.
Don't worry about the outcomes, Just focus on your efforts.And all the best.
#wellwisher :)
ReplyThank you.
ReplyWell. Probably your parents taught you well to perform and succeed in this life through struggling and achievement. Why do you say you are expected to keep up with hobbies? Who is expecting? You have a mindset that without competition and all this 'ready to showcase' life package you wont be noticed and loved. Perhaps your family and previous experience gave you this loophole thought-believe. But one day...when you get brave and drop things which exhaust you...see what's going to happen. Face the monster. Drop everything and sleep for a week. Nothing will happen. People would not notice if you stopped or rested. Everything you portray like 'runnin-up' is your brain-rape- exercise. The more you think it, the more you feel loved. Somewhere deep down inside you believe that a runner is a beloved. But you decide what you are loved for. For breathing or for struggling. You have to be brave to stand against crowd. Things that you are doing...you are doing because YOU CAN. It is a privilege not a curse. Interview ...is an awesome experience to fight fears of social acceptance and public speaking. Tests --- you will finally get to know what you know and where you want to move forward. New classes. Time to study something useful. Your life is at its beginning! It is the most thrilling and interesting period where you can absorb knowledge and get an experience of everything. And you define how much fast or slow you want to do it. And if anyone around you will say that you 'do not do things which will add to your profile' , ignore. You already are doing everything that you can and it is enough. And most of all you are responsible for your life... Not everyone can have that. There is no any other better version of reality where monks are silently meditating on the beach and birds are singing and everyone is just slowly walking around. That false image of 'I want to have better life with slow pace and no race' does not exist. You create it here and now. If you change your attitude towards small things. Like approaching hobbies not as duties ..like expecting good things coming everyday... you will get extra energy to do stuff which sometimes 'needed to be done' but hard to approach.... BELIEVE ME. I have been there. I woke up everyday with the though why the hell I was born when life is about being enslaved by duties, norms and responsibilities. I changed that. And I believe you can change that too. You are awesome! Cheer up and BREATHE. 10 mins a day breathe and do stretching. and meanwhile think how awesome you are that you have this life!
Reply" I woke up everyday with the though why the hell I was born when life is about being enslaved by duties, norms and responsibilities."
Those words are so true for me.
Thank you, Nalagido. Your words make sense. <3
ReplyMake time for healing. Little tricks like breathing in and out helps. If im having the worst feeling, i try to watch a show or a movie that i like although after i do it,it doesnt mean the feeling will go away. Its just giving me time to make myself think for awhile even if that means after watching i will feel it again. It gives me temporary happiness and ill have that even for a minute rather than having trouble digging myself out of my internal ruth. That works for me watching,doing something i love/enjoy. I hope this helps. Take care.
ReplyThank you!
ReplyU are welcome and goodluck on ur uni entrance test!
Reply