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By the time writing this, my mind is quite unstable from thinking. So my words are not nicely done
I'm a student in a school where society thinks all the students there are very smart and disciplined. But to be honest, everytime I hear families and outside friends complimenting me for getting to enrolled there, I feel pressured.
Here in my school, other students thought of me as normal as I usually get normal grades like B's and C's in exams.
This year, I have an important exam coming in another 3 months. It's called PT3. I am pressured as my parents are rooting for me to get straight A's and I have a few problems that I've been carrying for a year. These problems are making me not focus in class and make me feel unmotivated. Even though my mom told me she would give me anything if I get straight A's to inspire me, I would still see myself not being able to focus.
Since I am an introvert, I found myself not being able to speak out my problems and I often run from them wishing it'll all be over. But I also realised that if I kept any longer it'll only gets worse. Yet, here I am. Still hiding my problems.
The thought of problems getting worse leave me with guilt and it's the reason I can't focus.
I don't know..
Maybe I'm lazy?
Even typing this makes me feel weird.
I'm probably spouting nonsense now..
For the past 3 months I kept thinking of self harm. There are attempts. I kept scratching myself by the thought of not getting A's and not making my parents proud. I'm worried if I fail now, my parents will be disappointed in me. I already have disappointed them before. I just don't know...
In PT3.. there will be 2 subjects designed to all candidates that needs to be done in assignment. 1 of them has been sent to the government for the marks and I know I do it badly and I'm scared yet known the fact that I won't get A for that subject. I am sure I don't get A and that equals to not getting straight A's and equals to disappointing parents.
What if my friends from the normal school gets straight A's and me from an honourable school does not. I'm worried
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Don't stress too much and you're being unnecessarily hard on yourself I really don't think your parents are disappointed I think they just don't know how to motivate you I understand the difficulties in telling people the issues you face but it might help them ease off or at least ease your mind in some way also the normal school has easier courses they have grading curves and stuff honorable schools gain their honor for the difficulty of their courses and success rate plus how hard it can be to get accepted and stuff so if they get straight A's at a normal school I'm pretty sure they would get failing grades at the honorable school... Don't stress it take some deep breaths and maybe go for a walk to get some fresh air... If you need to talk I'm here to listen
ReplyThanks, that gave me a little bit of optimism. But the papers for the important exam are known to be the same papers for all schools throughout the country. That's what I'm worried. But your advice lift me up a little. Thank you, I appreciate it.
ReplyHappy to help and listen.. You just need to take some deep breaths and calm down especially during the test slow deep breaths don't think "I'm going to fail" you'll do fine
ReplyHave you tried A psychologist and if not your parents should be great fill that that have a life at all
ReplyA psychologist would be to much. I am battling with my mind about self harming, so I guess I'm doing fine. Never thought about suicide but I do want to get in coma for years
ReplyHalf way through I stopped reading your freaking
Normal as apple pie
Get a tutor turn off any gaming device
If you want it get it
ReplyYeah, I noticed that. I do notice everything I think is just an excuse to escape. I am aware of what I should do but I just fear the output of the solution.
ReplyThat is also an excuse. That's why I don't know :/
Reply