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I've been laying in bed for two days straight. This has become my weekend routine and I can't snap out of it. My apartment is a disgusting mess but I have no energy to fix it. No one has been over since last year. What's the point??? I actually bagged up my trash today because I could no longer take the smell. I wonder if my neighbors smell it too. The dishes are piled up, the fridge is empty and I haven't done laundry in months. The pile was moved from one side of the room to the other. That's as far as I got. I only get up for work and pass out as soon as I get back home. I wasn't always this way, but I'm slowly falling deeper into this pattern that I can't seem to shake. No one knows the truth about me and I hope they never will.
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Just stop it you know.
ReplyFirst, it's great you find this awareness of your home situation. Second, please stop emotionally beating yourself up!
When individuals get to a point of hopelessness or anxiety or depression or just emotional exhaustion it's easy to start letting things slide.... Procrastination in doing anything doesn't mean a person is lazy (even if that's what a person might commonly even think of them self!), it's accepting knowing something is happening that is driving the state of disorder and chaos. It's not happening on its own. It may be your subconscious trying to signal to you you need to change, or you really are not happy. The same things happen for a kid not doing homework. It's not the kid doesn't care (well maybe sometime!), but more likely it's because of fears and worries. It's easier to feel one may as well just postpone, but then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy!
You can't wave a magic wand and fix your situation in an instant. I'd suggest you might want to tackle it like one eats an elephant: one bite at a time!
There are books available usually at libraries on clutter, chaos, and/or confusion. It takes some getting to understanding the deeper issues to really resolve. Until the underlying problem is addressed it may feel like you are "spinning your wheels."
You might need to talk to someone you trust. There are also support groups for hoarders, clutterers, and those living in states of physical and emotional disorder. Sometimes it takes getting help. Sometimes it really involves addressing one's fears. Some folks just need someone (even their self) to tell them to get out of bed or get off the couch and start living instead of just longing, but it's not always easy. Find the tools and resources to accept your reality and find the means to resolve what's really hurting you.
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