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i want to shoot myself. i’ve always wanted to shoot myself. suicide is a constant thought, it’s a natural to me as breathing at this point. i wake up, and it’s there. i go to sleep, and it’s there. i’m happy, and it’s there. it sits in the back of my head daily. it gives me migraines and headaches and nausea. at this point, it is more of a sickness than a thought. in the past 4 months, i have tried to end my life 3 different times. unsuccessfully of course. i am crazy, i believe, because the image of blowing my brains out isn’t as scary as it used to be. it’s almost relaxing, it’s almost soothing to THINK about. i don’t act on it anymore but in my head, i have watched myself die so much. overdosing, hanging, drowning, shooting myself, throwing myself in front of a car, suffocation, the list goes on. i’ve killed myself so much, yet i cannot end the real me. i want to shoot myself very badly. i want to end my life everyday. i’m crazy. i’m sick. i need help. but i think it’s better if i just put a bullet in my head and stopped complaining for once.
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