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These past 2 or 3 days, every time I’ve talked to my mother, she thinks I’m being defensive. I think I’m passionate about certain topics, but I have every right to be and it took me a very long time to even be able to declare that. I think she’s upset because I no longer follow after her when she slams the door in my face or walks away from me. It can hurt, but not nearly as much as it used to. By me letting her deal with her feelings the way she wants to, it has unlocked truth. I had to deal with my feelings on my own, too, and I’ve come a very long way. I think that showing my disapproval every time she did something I disagreed with enabled her to feel like her fighting back was justification for her actions. Now, I’ve said enough. I’ve done enough. I am enough. She is left with the pieces of the puzzle to her own life. Sometimes I know that she still tries to see what my reaction will be. I just sit back and listen. She made me feel like because I can’t fix her, something’s wrong with me. She made me feel like it was all my fault. But what she does is not my problem. Because I broke off more than I could give of myself, she made me feel like I didn’t have enough love within me. She made me feel like I had to keep trying. But my love lasts forever. It will never, ever die. My love touches to each end of the Earth and beyond. I can care about myself. I can care about myself enough to help others. No, I’m not perfect. Yes, I still have so long to go. No, I don’t feel 100% whole and having parents missing is a wound that may hurt even after it has scarred.
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