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I met this boy in my freshman year of high school, in a church of all places. We got to know each other for a while, and for a second, we were dating different people. However, we just clicked so naturally, he was sweet, charming, and nerdy. We started dating in June of 2016, the end of freshman year( his sophomore year) and everything were great for a year. We grew more and more in love every day. When I got into junior year, and he his senior year, we got into problems because I started to get scared that he was going to college and my ex-boyfriend started to talk to me again. We got into fights about this, but in the end, it was always him and I told him that. I always loved him with all my heart. ( my current bf) He told me he loved me and that he wanted to spend our lives together we had so many plans for college living together and getting married. Towards the end of my junior year, I told him we needed a break because I was so stressed with school and all these other problems, but I didn't want to stop seeing him because, well, I loved him. I just want to feel like I had some control in my life and I took it out on him I guess. But, we were still together nothing changed it was still us just less stress. I thought a lot about it and I was being dumb I was pushing the love of my life away and for what? Nothing, that's what. I explained everything to him and we got officially back together, but I was a little mad that he just told everyone that we were not together, but I get. I guess.
Things were better than ever, so I thought. I was more in love with him than ever before because I knew he was the only one for me. But about a month later, he sat me down in his room and told me we had to break up because he was going to college and he needed to be his own person. I cried and he cried and he told me he still loved me. I was though, at him and me, so when he left the room for a bit, I left the house. I called him twice after that day. The first time, was because I wanted to tell him how I felt about the breakup and everything. And I remember he asked me how I fell about everything and I just said: " it's whatever you want, but remember this what you want to do not me". I wish I would have told him "no, don't go. We belong together". The second time I called for help, because, well, old habits die hard.
Right now, my life kind of just sucks. I cried no stop every day for a week, I couldn't eat. Now, I just cry when I think about him. I'm not over him, but I really want to try to move on. Because right now I am just scared that I'll never feel this way again. He might not have been my first boyfriend, but he was the first I ever really loved. I just need help on how to get over this. Please.
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