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I don't know what to do anymore. There is nothing left that makes me want to get out of bed in the morning. I graduated from high school a couple months ago and I'm doing nothing with my life. I applied to college too late to receive the scholarships I qualify for because I planned to go on an LDS Mission for two years. That isn't working out because I am addicted to pornography and I have been for around 7 years. I've tried different things to shake the horrible habit but nothing works. Just when I manage to go for a month or so without it I hit a weak point in my life and I go back to it. I had never even come close to shaking the habit or even wanting to go on a mission until I met a girl in November. She changed my life. She made me want to be a good person and be the best I could be, so I started working on my addiction and preparing for a mission. Even with her I still couldn't stop but I was doing a lot better. Fast forward to today and she just ended our relationship because she just doesn't want a relationship right now. I have already been depressed for quite a while in my life but right now I feel about as crushed as I can. Sometimes my feelings are understated because I am also apathetic so my emotions are suppressed all the time. This makes it so I don't enjoy any of the hobbies that I used to and I don't know what to do. My friends have all gone their separate ways to college and we hardly talk anymore so now I am stuck working a dead end job trying to get rid of my addiction to go on a mission. Life just seems pointless to me right now and I just can't shake feeling depressed all day and night over and over again. I don't want to kill myself but I do wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up again.
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My friend had similar problem. he was masturbating for infinite times... You saying you just finished your high school. This is 100% natural to have this kinda feeling at this age... You will overcome this problem soon. All you have to do is avoid loneliness. Do things which you like apart from shaking.. It may be anything.. May be silly or crazy like playing PS.. watching good movies online on netflix or prime... play with kids in your apartment/street when you get time... Over the time you will find that you have reduced it and just handle tough moments man.. Life is more... Problems = life.. we cant runaway from it.. all the best
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