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I was molested from an early age... the older boy whose parents ran the daycare I went to when I was 4 told me he loved me because I let him put his hands in my pants. My cousin and her friend would hold me down and put various things in between my legs and ask if I liked it. When I was 12 my dad remarried and when I went for visitation his wife's brother and cousin made me perform sex acts in exchange for not telling when I'd done something trivial lile saying the "F" word.. When I was 13, I thought I was in love with a 21 year old man. I stayed with him for 5 years. He made me pay for the meth he was giving me with sex while his friends watched. I've been been married 22 years, my husband treats me good. He loves me no matter what but I still have this messed up belief that I am nothing if I'm not sexually satisfying someone. Like I'm not good for anything else.
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ReplyA lot of people that have had experiences like your’s feel that way. I dont know the resources for women, but I’d definitely encourage you to find a support group to meet with regularly that focuses on sexual traumas and coping, learning how to change your thoughts to be more consistent with your reality on a daily basis. You are a human being with a story, with emotions and some control over your life. I hope you get the support that you need and deserve.
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