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I have always hated the ones who get into depression. I used to think, "Look at these losers! Don't know how to live their lives.". Well, karma. Everything I start with immense passion gives me so much trouble that I end up regretting having started it. Everybody around me annoy me in someway or the other. I hate myself for being a pain for everybody around. I hate myself for what course I have taken in life, for what family I am born in, for what a person I have moulded into and lastly for hating myself but can't stop hating myself. I am scared one day I'll lose my mind and become insane for I don't feel good talking about my sorrows to any acquaintance of mine. I have sinned. I have given so many people so much trouble they didn't deserve. I shouldn't be alive. I have self harmed so many times and hate myself for the same too. But I don't see anything else that helps liberating my emotions. People around call me strong hearted. Little did they know I cry myself to sleep a lot. I tell myself every night, "This is the last night you cry yourself to sleep. Things are going to change at sunrise tomorrow.". Nothing ever does, does it?
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Aw, well good thing you came to Novni ^-^ Emotions are a very serious factor to be dealt with. People never realize that you actually have to FACE or CONFRONT these feelings.. you know, in order to get better. That's gunu be my number one advice to you because it is very important.
That being said, your other 'problem' was quote - "being a pain for everybody around". You should know that there is always at least ONE person out there willing to hear your thoughts and or opinions. And in reality it's the HEALTHY way of being brought back to mental/emotional stability.
Though you shouldn't care what people think of you, unless it's positive stuff obviously lol you should care about what YOU think of you. Worry about YOU, YOURSELF, ya' know? Learn to love yourself first, before ANYONE else is allowed to think something of you, and then you'll understand (: (;
YOU choose to mold your OWN life, believe it or not. It's all up to you! :D For example; notice that as you've 'hated' yourself, nothing's changed, and you just feel this continued sadness. Don't worry, I too was a victim, so I get where you're coming from... Just don't say that you shouldn't live.
I hate having to hear people say that. Things WILL get better I promise you. The fact that you feel a guilt for OTHERS and somehow blame yourself in it, that's the proof that you are definitely worth living. It's a pattern all of us suicidal people have/had; we're just lost. That's all.
We aren't actually mad at ourselves, mad at those around us, no, none of that. We are simply lost, confused. We don't know who is truly to blame. Honestly, NO ONE is to blame. It's simply a mistake across most of humanity, to not know about accepting and admitting to our feelings, rather than ignorance..
So lastly stop telling yourself to stop crying, because there's nothing wrong with it. I know it sounds so gay and shameful to wear tears with pride, I hear the 'weaknesses' in that. But again, you just absolutely have to trust me because I was one of those people that f*cken hated doing that.
But ironically, I really AM gay so lol no but seriously. It's more like a shameless thing the more you start to cry and vent. It actually feels really good and gets easier to do. Also I swear to you, you will become more emotionally healthy and happy as a result. And if you don't have anyone to tell, WE'D love to hear and help.
Or at least I'D love to hear. Hope this helps! ^=^
<3
ReplyOh nooo! Did you get my comment?! I don't know if it sent, and I told so much...
Reply*typed so much.. ironic typo
But nevermind lol got scared there
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