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I'm Kai... I've been a very strong person for a very long time. I've been through so much "stuff "since a kid and it's still continuing right now, I could talk about that "stuff" but that would be me telling you my life story and it quite bit long so yeah. For about as long as I could remember I've always tried to be the "light" to other that were in the dark, despite the fact that I couldn't give it to myself but I remained strong. I've always hidden my depression behind my humor, I've always enjoyed making others laugh and brings a smile to my face. I always put a smile on my face and i don't break no matter how much I want too. I do this because i don't like to see my Father and Step-mom upset and I also have to be a good role model for my little sister. I don't have the balls to tell the people who raised me I don't wanna be here anymore. So I smile through the pain and how much it's destroying me inside yet i still smile. I'm very tired of being strong and i wanna give up. I'm driving myself insane just pretending. But I guess I'll just do what I do best. Plaster a smile on my face......
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Here's a fun fact; plaster eventually breaks. I am in no way saying I know you, but I know where you're coming from. You are sad, and that sadness continues because you're seen as the "strong" one.
See, the problem is that no one knows that you're suffering. So no one knows how to help. You posted here because you'd rather a stranger know than your family. So how can they help if they remain oblivious? Eventually at this rate you will break. The longer you wait the more devastating the break will be. Duou don't deserve that.
You mention3d your life story. Well guess what, we have nothing but time. Time and patience. If you ever wanna share we will be here to help you shoulder the burden. And if it is a story Well we have an ear to lend, so share a story will us.
Cheers and blessings of the moon on your journey
ReplyThanks you. :)
ReplyA life is always a life as full as our own. Not many people know that
ReplyHi Kai,start living for yourself.Do what makes u happy. Don't pretend,do what u want to do at the same time making others laugh n happy.Live your life and be a good person.
ReplyI don't really have any advice to give you, mainly because I'm pretending too.
Be it at school or at home or anywhere else, everything feels like it's all just pretend.
Just be strong.
ReplyYou be strong too love!
ReplyIt's not working anymore. I don't want to pretend to be strong outside when I'm weak and cowering inside.
It just doesn't work anymore.
ReplyI know how you feel...
ReplyI'm glad to hear that but also not because I'd hate to see someone going through the same shit I am.
ReplyThat's why i like making people happy.I hate seeing others down, so i become their light until I'm not needed anymore.
Replyi hate how i can relate to that.
also, hey how are things for you now? (it's been a month)
ReplyHey, things have changed a bit. I opened up a bit to my parents, but I'm still strong. How about you? Have things changed?
Replyhiya. I dunno if things are better or not. I mean. I'm still pretending. but like, I'm less sad I guess. buuuut I'm not happy either. I'm neutral. still sucks tho. plus I had an unexpected breakdown yesterday wow :)
I still can't spend five minutes with my mother without feeling worthless and like a sad piece of shit, so I guess that didn't change.
also, it's kinda weird how I reply after a month.
ReplyWell I hope things get better for you love :)!
Replythanks! you too :)
Reply