My Unsent Letter

To the Boy I Don’t Love

Dave-

I have no idea what love is. I know that I love my family, I know that I love my friends, but I don’t love you. I can’t love you, I’m 15. This all sounds ridiculous because of that. I’m 15, you’re 16, we’re all teenagers, we’re all stupid. I just wanted to tell you in a letter that I will never send since I’m too much of a wimp to actually tell you. I like you. I mean, a lot. I like you way too much. And I’ve liked a lot of people throughout my life, but I like you so much that it hurts. I have constant butterflies in my stomach because of you. That constant nervousness that can only come from someone that you really do like more than a friend. And I know, you don’t like me and I’ve gotten used to these impossible crushes, I’ve had more than a few, and they’re impossible because they never like me back, it never works out. I guess my point is that you’re on that list know. You’ll always be on that list, I guess. I hate you, just so you know. I hate you because you’re too easy to like. You’re too good to be true, and the only flaw, the only con, the only missed point is that you don’t like me back. It’s stupid, I’m stupid, I know. I’m a teenage girl I’m supposed to be stupid and like people and be upset when it doesn’t work out. That’s part of the job description that I didn’t apply for. I just wanted to put it out there, that I like you. So so so much. It physically hurts in my chest that you don’t like me but I can’t tell you that because I know you would feel terrible because that’s just the kind of guy you are. You’re horrified that anyone might think that you’re rude, you’re sweet, and funny, and smart, and you’re perfect. And that’s the problem, I guess. The problem is that you’re perfect and I’m not. I really do hope that we work out, I truly do. I know that it will hurt either way, and that’s okay. I’m okay with hurting because of some guy, but I’m only really okay with it because it’s happened so many times. Everytime you smile, all I am able to think is “Oh, no, here we go again” and everytime you look at me I melt just a little more. This can’t be love, but it sure is the biggest crush I’ve ever had, and I guess that’s why it crushes me the most that you don’t like me back. But I guess we’ll have to wait and see. And if my theory is right, and I really can have my heart broken by someone I don’t even know, then Dave Woltz, “it would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you” (Augustus Waters, The Fault in Our Stars John Green).

From,

Kate N

(ALL NAMES ARE CHANGED)