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Day 4 of trying to move on. Its becoming harder and harder. She called me up to talk to me. Asked me why I am doing this to her. Why we are fighting. I told her I am not fighting. That I can't get hurt everyday. She can't tell me not to expect. Its unfair. She kept on trying to prove that I was wrong, that I shudnt expect, that I need to understand her, need to understand what she may feel if somebody else says something abt her incase she goes an extra mile for me, that society is not good and will cook up stories abt her character. Told me I shudnt have become friends with her if I didn't care. Accused me that I didn't tel her about the awful things people said abt her because I was afraid of losing her. She doesn't understand that I didn't tel her what others told abt her bcoz I cared abt her and I didn't want her to get hurt or feel bad abt what others said. I didn't believe them and I didn't want her to feel alone. But she kept on accusing me of one thing or another. Even told me that I am thinking abt myself and if I really cared I wudnt have stopped talking to her. Everything she said was only abt her and she told me I only think abt myself. I almost lost my voice because of the things she said.. For some time I cudnt even speak because of the shock and the blame. Its been only 4 days but it seems like months of pain. My head feels heavy. I try to sleep and I get nightmares and I wake up again. Can't eat or work properly. Pretending to smile is a task. Whenever I think abt her, my eyes instantly become moist and I have to go to the washroom just to avoid anyone seeing me like that. I don't know when this torment wud end. I just want it to get over. I wish to just turn into a stone - no feelings no faith no love in my heart.
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Why is she talked about so much? What's hard about this for you? Watching her suffer? That's compassion & yes it can hurt. I think you should tell her. Probably not any worse than shes imagining. You would want to know. I suppose she's assuming that you won't tell her because you don't want to be ousted yourself. You aren't protecting her by letting this go on. She needs to know the truth so she can deal with it. Sounds like no one is standing up for her so she needs to be aware herself.
ReplyWell I have told her but she doesn't believe it. She thinks I was afraid to lose her. And the worst part is she cares too much abt what they said or will say if she stands by me while I believed in her and kept on fighting for her character without her knowing abt it or taking any credit in it.
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