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I've been dating a my boyfriend about 4 years and during this whole time i have been contacting another man on and off. This other man messed me about for a while, flaking on dates etc before i met my BF so i sensibly moved on to my now BF but this other man made me smile involuntarily and gave me butterflies my BF doesn't do that to me and i can't remember if he ever did.
Recently a whole lot of secrets came to light. I found out the other man had a family, his baby mama was pregnant when we met. I came clean and told him I was with someone but that i often still think about him. We agreed that the best thing to do now is to 100% cut off contact from each other. I know as a fact it is for the best but can't help feel sad that this man who was the first to make me feel real lust and infatuation will now be out of my life forever.
What he said made me query something i have been reluctant to really think about. He said I like stability and I won't be leaving him (my bf) unless he leaves me. Otherwise I would be content. Part of me makes me feel he is right. My relationship with my BF just happened, nothing really special happened it was as if we both needed company so spent time together and now we continue to do that. My BF tells me he loves me i say it back automatically but not even sure myself if i believe it. But the idea of losing him makes me weep but so does the fear that i've settled. To be content is not enough ..... is it ?
I don't know if its the other man that i want or if what he has said has hit something in me that i've queried for a long time - am i settling ? . I know in my head the other man is not right as he has lied and is the type to tell me what i want to hear, whispering sweet nothings. I know i've dodged a bullet by going with my instinct and not continuing to see him the first time. That is a fact but should i stay with my BF. We rarely fight but when we do i just want to bail even at the smallest disagreements. I don't feel like we're worth fighting for.
I've been talking to the other man for 2 days straight over 300 hundred texts have been exchanged the philandering liar was the voice of reason and told me its not fair on my BF that i'm texting him ! I can't but think there's a huge part of my ego that's hurt because the man who claims to have liked me lots is now rejecting me. As i type this i'm thinking him and i are no different. We both lied about our relationship status, willingly played with each others emotions for years but i know i've come out more injured because i believe his age and experience gives him the advantage. I refuse to believe i'm the first and only one he has done this to. My emotions are just up in the air.
I'm weeping but i think it's for my ego not the loss of someone i haven't seen in 1-2 years . My tears can't be for him it just can't be..... or am i sad because i'm with someone who i maybe shouldn't be. As I'm typing this i'm trying to remember what the other man looks like and the way he kissed me which is better than my BF.
That's another thing my BF doesn't kiss me the way i like. I find myself lying in bed next to him thinking about the other kisses i've had the....... passion !
FML !
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Lemme tell u something! That guy that u talked about obviously has done this a lot with lots of other girls! So, obviously he is VERY experienced about sexual feelings and that sort of things! Of course he has more passion, of course he gives u a better kissing experience and pleases you better, sexually!
Now for example, you definitely have a better sexual experience with a porn star rather than a normal guy! Cause he knows how to make u lose ur mind!
BUT, Your relationship with ur BF is not just about lust and sex and passion! I mean if it's only about that, then it's not a relationship; just like what you had with the other guy!
Now what I recommend is try not to compare that seducer to ur boyfriend! Your boyfriend is not trying to seduce you like he did! Now you might intend to like the other guys kiss, but then remember that's why it's called SEDUCING!
I recommend that u stop interacting with the other guy completely! Now there's nothing wrong with wanting passionate sex and that lust that makes you go crazy in a relationship!
Apparently, you and ur BF should work on that! Tell ur boyfriend that u had experiences before him which was quite passionate, and be honest with him about it! I'm sure he will try to work on it if he knows what the problem is! Also you do the passionate stuff to turn him on, make him want you! Do the thing the seducer did to you, and believe me, he couldn't take his hands off u!
JUST STOP INTERACTING WITH THE GUY, AND WORK ON THE SEXUAL PART OF UR RELATIONSHIP AND ENHANCE IT!
Believe me, after a while you might feel better and satisfied, and that's when he's gonna get out of ur mind as well!
Hope I helped you with this!
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