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I've been so engrossed in this series that I have been reading, I've forgotten about everything that I used to feel. That should be a good thing. I think it is. But I also don't feel like I'm over that dark side of me, I just think it has been hidden. I will probably never get over that side of me. Sure, reading all of these books about a fairytale type love has given me fake expectations, but I don't care. I want that fairytale type of love. Not the kind my parents have, definitely. I want to love my husband, or wife who knows, unconditionally for the rest of my life, and I want them to do the same to me. I want to have kids that get disgusted at how in love we are with each other. I want a bunch of kids, but I don't want them to put a strain on my marriage. They should strengthen it even more, if that is possible. I have all of these really terribly good expectations about my future life as a wife, but I can't help it. Sometimes it is easier to just over-look the fact that nothing ever goes right in my life, and that my marriage will probably burn out just like my parents. I don't want to be stuck married to my spouse just because I don't want to put my children through a divorce. However, right now, I'm not going to be whore and go out with a bunch of guys just to make me feel less lonely. I have decided, right now, that I will be happy with being single, because one day the perfect guy will come for me and he will be my soul mate, my faithful spouse, my love. But for right now, I will wait. Happily. Or, as happily as I can. I'm not going to let myself get lonely, and I will probably continue to watch those fairytale romance movies and read those books about two imperfect people who meet, fall in love, and have a perfect life together. Because I feel it will keep my hope at this live I may never have. Maybe I'm just too ugly, too repulsive to boys. But I think at least one person on this Earth can see me at my worst, and see the real over-sensitive, annoying, plain me and still love me. There has to be someone out there. And I will wait for them.
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