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There are so many things overwhelming me right now. School, job, what to do next, should I be a pharmacist or an artist or stay home and not do anything because it's all too much. The last option seems to be my go-to thought. I want someone to tell me what I should do, but I know that's not how life works. I just can't handle making a decision, like deciding my major, that will affect what job I will have for the rest of my life. And I don't want to go to school anymore. I can't take it. The tests and quizzes on stupid things that I don't need to know about. My parents won't stop complaining about my messy room. They talk about it like it's the biggest mistake being messy. But I'm tired. I don't want to come home and pick up, I want to come home to rest. This is where I rest. The outside world is a place where I have to constantly be on and be friendly. I am tired of it. I don't want to be in groups and do work in a group. Yes, you can tell me I will have to work with people in jobs, but not in the way it is in high school or college. At my job, I am working with my coworkers, but it isn't for a grade and there is no pressure. And we are all doing our job, no one is slacking. And if they are, they will be reprimanded, because it's work and you are paid to do work. So no, it is not like groupwork in school. It's different and I hate groupwork at school. I feel stupid because i always draw a blank when I try to think during class. This is why I don't want to be a pharmacist because I know I'll have to take multiple and infinite amounts of classes with freaking groupwork. It's a no from me. And I'm also starting to try dating out, but the first guy I go out with secretly had a child. He was manipulative and pressuring through text, but in person he was so sweet. I am 20 and went on my first date about a month ago. Held someones hand for the first time a month ago. I am lonely. My friends live far away. I eat for comfort and am slowly gaining weight. My self-esteem is was rising, but is now at a halt. My medication isn't working as well as it was. I need to up the dosage but, ya know, anxiety and all, I don't want to call the doctor and ask. My therapist is wonderful, and I usually feel good once I talk to her, but now it's just all becoming repetitive.
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Replymake a pros and cons list for each of your options and take it with you when you next visit your therapist.
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