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I was a happy child in the outside world, but they just didn't knew what happened inside.
I was 6 when I began to understand a lot of things that most kids didn't understand at my age. Just like how I understood that my family was one whole mess.
I'm 16 now but I can still hear the yelling and crying of my mom and 3 older brothers when our ''dad'' went rampage again and started hitting mom. I grew up in violence and it changed my whole life. We were all scared when our ''dad'' came back home from work, so whenever we could we fled to somewhere else, but we always had to return in the evening. We couldn't get away from him, we were just too scared... He hit my mom, my brothers and also me. I got hit the least, idk if it was because I was the youngest or a girl but whatever it was, seeing your mom and brothers cry and yell and just being fcking scared whenever he physicially abused them, was worse for me then get hit by him. You just don't know how it feels when the ones you love the most get beaten and you can't do anything about it because it would only get worse otherwise... I still remember how scared I was when he got home drunk and got angry and started hitting the table with his fists till they bled, or when I still was too naive and thought it was a good idea to take his glasses and run around the table with it and then he ran after me and got angrier and angrier and started yelling and the feeling he gave was like he was going to kill me if I didn't give his glasses back so I never did it again after that. But the thing I feared the most about him wasn't his face when he got angry or the thought that he could beat me up anytime he wanted, but the person he became on the outside world. 'The perfect dad' was what everybody thought he was. Even my childhood friends ,who I trusted so much that I told them that my dad isn't who he pretends to be, didn't believe me. NO ONE BELIEVED US! I lived in fear with him until I was 10, because then he moved out our house. Finally! But he still send us texts like nothing ever happened, saying ' You guys are always welcome in my new home, my door is always open for you, and I rlly miss you'. It made it worse that he even got a new wife and stephchildren and got away with ruining our lives like it was nothing. But... I was happy because he was finally away!!! I could finally have a happy life! ... was what I thought...
My 'dad' wasn't the only thing that ruined my life, but it's too long to write everything now so I'm leaving it here, but maybe I'll write the rest of my life story another time.
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