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So me and my girlfriend broke up a week ago. (I'm a girl too) We had been drifting apart and the last days of our relationship felt quite off. I don't know if I ever believed we were gonna last. My worst fear was that she would leave me. And she did. But quite surprisingly I was fine. Neither of us felt quite well anymore. But now that I think about it I miss what we had. We were so soft and warm. She said she wants to cuddle me. She said when we'll meet for the first time she'll kiss me and hug me so long. She said all those sweet "I love you so much". It made me warm. A few months ago I got myself some depression. I talked to her and she helped me through it. And we were still warm and soft and I felt so happy. But then one day she's not online. I text her a lot. No answer, I text her again and when I still get no reply I go to sleep. The following morning I wake up and she has sent me messages explaining that she wants to go back to friends. She saif she liked it better before. I was shook for a while but soon accepted it. I also felt that the connection we had wasn't quite as strong. She said she'll still help me because she does care about me and don't want me to go through any of the shit I have going on. And I thought it'll work. But now I'm not quite sure. She's now constantly talking about this new friend she has referring to her as her 'queen'. "she's my queen, i love her". Like I never existed. She used to call me her wife. But now it's like that time never existed. It's like she broke up with me and instantly saw someone new, like I wasn't enough. And it hurts. It hurts to see her with someone else. The girl she's texting to should be me, not her. Remember me? You said you love me the most you've liked anyone. You made plans for us when we meet. You said you love me so much it hurts physically. You said you'll always be mine and I'll be yours. You said you never wanna let me go. And you broke up with me. And now you are already crushing on someone else. What did I mean? What was I to you? I guess I should have known it. Nothing good ever lasts.
She's drifting apart from me. As a friend. We don't speak as much as we used to. I've tried to talk to her about it. I've told her I'm afraid. I've told her I don't wanna lose her, that I'll break down if we end up strangers, where we started from over than a year ago. I've told her I can't lose her, that I'll break. No reply. She probably never read the dm. I went back online to see if she replied. No. But instead she went to another chat to brag about her new friend. Her 'queen'. "Yknow, [my name] has been a mess", my other friend said. She apologised but then bragged about the queen again. "She's so aesthetic look at her so cute". That's when I decided I won't even try to talk to her. Fuck talking when you get no reply. Fuck talking when someone who said will still be thete for you to help you through shit, doesn't stand behind their words. Fuck trying to keep contact when they move on so fast and forget they loved you. It sucks being ignored over and over again. I handled for a while. But when I'm done I'm done. I'll still keep in touch with her. But I sure as hell won't let myself get upset, not again. I do miss her but I have barely the right amount of energy to not to hate myself every day, let alone to try to make someone who used to adore you, care about you like they used to.
So this is for you: when you realise I'm gone, you better have a hella good excuse to make come back.
Because I'm fragile and I'm tired of hurting.
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