My country 'tis of thee

I'd asked for a therapist or psychologist help six days ago. I even called again yesterday.

I'm promised help right away from my state employee assistance program. I've stayed home from work yesterday, and now again today.

I feel suicidal.

I feel at a loss for what to do.

My EAP provider doesn't seem to want to help me. They just are fakes.

I am in serious trouble.

I just am trapped.

My heart races.

I don't know what to do.

My life has been horrible.

People have told me "it gets better."

I don't believe that anymore.

They weren't kidnapped as a child in the night from their bedroom like I was by an on duty Sacramento County Sheriff's Department deputy.

They were never stolen from their family in a patrol car.

They weren't locked up as a stolen child prisoner in a government jail.

They didn't sometimes live in handcuffs.

They didn't as a teenager get their jaw broken or their teeth cracked by a law enforcement officer.

They weren't forced to be an officer's sex slave for more than five years.

My mother was so angry and hurt over what numerous law enforcement personnel let happen she actually just left the United States.

She basically renounced her U.S. citizenship.

For her.the United States of America could rot in hell.

That's how I feel too.

People say the things I lived don't happen in the United States of America.

Yeah.

Just like America says it's the sweet land of liberty.

My mother is never coming back to see me. She will also never visit my brothers and sisters again.

Our mother is dead.

Buried in a grave in another country 1,470 miles away from me.

I can't even afford to visit my mother's grave.

I keep wondering what else to do.

Die.

Call it quits.

My life is destroyed anyway.