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Hi ok so if you are reading this Idk I want your opinion.
I hate my mother bc she has driven me to wanting to kill myself. She’s basically called me useless and said that my opinion is irrelevant multiple times. I’m only 13 too.
I’ve just decided to push her away to a point where she can’t hurt me by swearing and yelling at me when I try to say my opinion (one time it was how she treats my dad like absolute shit every time he calls. Like she says EVERY TIME he calls “he’s fucking useless”
I told her she really shouldn’t say that. Think about the affect it would have on (my twin brother) us. Does she really want us thinking he’s useless when really he’s done all the work he can, and calls to make sure we are okay and if we want anything. She’s like “he’s a fucking useless bastard” In my head I’m just like “how about you just shut the fuck up and look at how useless you are. I mean, really. Your opinions are outrageous. Maybe that’s why I’m “never on your side”. It’s because your opinions aren’t logical, they don’t make sense.”
And now my dad thinks I’m going through some kind of phase bc I’m a teenager and apparently my moms twin sister hated their mom for a while. He thinks it’s a fucking phase. Ive been thinking these kind of thoughts for a while and it has nothing to do with being a teenager, if ever just looked at reality.
Tbh I’ve thought about calling child services bc my mom was emotionally abusing me but I just thought, maybe I can learn from this. I can manage the pain but it might help me in the long run when trying to understand other kids” (I want to be a physiatrist, I already have books and a very good understanding of phyciatric/mental disorders)
Actually, about the physiatrist job: for the past 2 years, I have believed my brother has NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) I have proof, he shows the symptoms. There is quite literally nothing in the way except for my dumbass mother. My brother has hurt me emotionally too. I wanted to commit suicide for the very first time when I was 11 because of him. He had been too much at the time. And so my mother, she doesn’t believe me bc she is the person my brother is manipulating the most. He’s trying to seem like a good person when in reality he shows all of these symptoms and there is legit proof. Idk maybe I seem like I’m out of my mind. Maybe I do, but I’m not so sure I am yet. But I have all of my reasons. I’ve been to her crying telling her that he needs an evaluation. And whenever I brought prof to her,she was like “it isn’t normal for him to do that?” Wtf hell no it isn’t.
Oh but so she wonders why she has no friends. It’s just a thought, but mayyyyyyybe it’s because you are fucking out of your mind and overall a toxic person. I guess the people can smell it on you from over a mile away.
She treats people like shit even when they did nothing wrong. Maybe she has NPD herself and I just haven’t seen it yet. Oh and I should mention, she acts like she feels bad every time she buys something for herself. Let’s see what she buys Ummm $200 dollar purses like every 5 months...constantly buying from dress barn, buys Chanel perfume ($130), spends like $100 dollars a month online and wastes money 5/7 days a week on shit we don’t need. And can you guess where she gets that money...that’s right! From my dad! He’s 68 years old and works idk I think it’s AT THE LEAST 10 hours a day. He used to work on weekend just to get pain extra bc of all the shit my mother buys but would never say that that’s why bc he’s a thoughtful person..most of the time.
Idk if I mentioned why but one of the reasons I wouldn’t call child services is because its just going to complicate things to a point that I really don’t care for.
Oh and does it help to say that I can’t get privacy. I don’t mean like me but my clothes (undergarment if you would call them that. I’m a girl with social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder and possibly ADHD. The fact that I’m a girl means I wear a special kiiind of undergarment.) But so the point is, I do my own laundry because I don’t want my clothes washed with my gross families clothes (they are absolutely disgustingly dirty) and I don’t want people touching or seeing my undergarments. I guess it’s not enough to just tell them don’t go in my drawers. BECAUSE THEY FUCKING DID. WHY IS EVERYONE SO INTERESTED. IM NOT INTERESTED IN THEIRS SO WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY INTERSTED IN MINE. it’s called an undergarment. UNDER MEANING UNDER YOUR FUCKING CLOTHES CONCEALED WITH YOUR CLOTHES. Is it really that important? They need to see it. My brother, mom and cousins. I fucking hate them all.
I’ve tried not to let this turn into anger because I heard that’s not a good path to take. But what am I supposed to do with it? And they have the audacity to ask “What’s wrong”
Yeah, what is wrong? What’s wrong is YOU ARE BLIND TO REALITY. CANT YOU SEE WHATS GOING ON?
Idk ooh but so I took an online IQ test (idk how accurate it was, I’ve heard they can’t ever give you the real score bc it’s impossible to actually tell) but so I scored an “above average” 129. Idk I was excited to hear that and my twin, he earned I think a 98 or maybe a 108 but I’m not sure. I had scored high on the logic part of it. I had been described as “having a firm grasp of logic” and that I was good at problem solving
Idk I feel like I’m being tortured by my brother and mom. I’ve had bouts of depression. They’ve worn me down so much I’ve just stopped trying with them.
And so I’ve also heard that life gets easier as you get older. Is that true?
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Well you can choose who you want in your life. Cut out the toxins & you won't have much left. I'm sorry she's that way to you. Struggling with emotional issues isn't always validated. Some people think either hospitalize, meds or total disregard are the only phases. No middle ground.
Honey, some people never change. Especially narcissists. Because they can't say they were wrong. And some people are used to dysfunction & know nothing else. I'm sorry she favors your brother. Sounds like he's like her & you are like your Dad. Dk, why he defends her when she's so degrading to him.
I had good success with friends as family when i was younger & my family was busy. Hope you do too. Build support for yourself.
Your choice what to do. Hope the best for u. you are a smart girl
ReplyOmg ty so much for replying and I really appreciate it
ReplyLife doesn't get easier, you get stronger.
ReplyOh ok but ty a loot for commenting, it honestly means a lot to me
Reply