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Dear Friend,
I've heard many a sermon about what I am doing to the world. Every time I want to puke. I sing on the worship team and help with the kids, even though I'm truly evil. I am a liar, a fraud, a sicko who should not be allowed near anything Christian. 1 Timothy 1:10 puts me right up next to those who commit matricide. I know these things, and it makes the fact that Satan has made me attracted to you and other girls so horrible for me. Every time I look at you, I get a feeling so good that I'm utterly disgusted with myself. I wish I could make it all end. I have to let you know that you hate me, and you don't even know it. You are a good Christian, unlike the one I so desperately try to be, and you hate what I am. I'm not trying to justify that fact that I deserve to die, but in my selfishness I keep on living this lie.
- Your Very Sorry Friend
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Hey, that was beautiful, and I know you feel like you should be sorry. Like if you apologize enough times you’ll be forgiven, but let me tell you you can’t be forgiven if you didn’t do anything wrong. Homosexuality isn’t something you can blame yourself for, because who you’re attracted to is out of your control. I get you’re religious and I relate to that. My family is hard core Christian and I’m not out either because it’s just safer for me this way, and living that lie doesn’t make you selfish. I have a friend who has gay feelings and he denies them all because they’re wrong. I don’t agree with it personally but I know god means a lot to him, and I’m not going to stop him from doing the things that make him feel right. So I know this might not mean much to you but my advice is to be who you are because it’s who god made you to be right? And if you don’t feel right doing that then keep living the lie. I don’t really have the right to tell you to be yourself when I’m not brave enough to be my self. So just hang in there, everything will work out someday.
ReplyThank you!
ReplyHey, that’s beautifully written first of all. Secondly, don’t apologize when you’ve done nothing wrong because you won’t get forgiveness. I’ve been there, I’m gay in a very religious family and I’m not out to them because I still need a place to live. I know what it’s like to feel like you won’t be accepted but if this person is really you’re friend you should be able to talk to them about your feelings. After that if they’re still not accepting that’s out of your control. In my opinion you shouldn’t have to act a certain way to impress anyone, not even god. If god truly never makes mistakes then you shouldn’t apologize for your feelings. Now I know things can’t always work out that way. I have a friend who pushes all his feelings away because he believes they’re wrong and I’m not going to stop anyone for doing something that makes them feel right. So if living that lie feels like the right thing for you then do it. Sometimes the truth is better left untold and I get that I’ve been there too. But please don’t feel sorry for something that’s out of your control because it’s a waste of time
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