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Where do I begin...
We've been married for 4 years, and since the very beginning of our relationship, I've been very open that I do not want to have children. Ever. I guess I'm what they consider "childfree." The sound of a child talking, crying or screaming gives me such anxiety. If we're in a restaurant or a store, anywhere near kids, I feel like I want to run as fast as I can to get far far away from that noise. I've always felt that way and have no idea why, really. I know I grew up around a lot of kids even though I was an only child. So ever since I was young I swore up and down that I would never have kids. I would abort before I ever had a child. "Oh, you'll change your mind once you meet the right person." they said. Well I found my better half and that "bug" still hasn't hit me.
My husband is fantastic. He takes such great care of me, and we have so much fun together. He is always supportive of me and lifts me up when I'm feeling down. He truly makes me a better person. We get along so well together and laugh together, we have the same ideas and opinions. However he doesn't seem to be fully on board with this childfree idea. Though he has said before "Its your body. You can do with it as you wish and I won't make you do something that you don't want to do. I don't need children - I just want you." This was amazing to hear, since the norm is that you grow up, get married and have children. But now it seems that since I'm closing in on making a more permanent decision, he seems to be putting up a wall. Every time I bring up the idea of sterilization he gets real quiet and doesn't say a word. He won't talk about it. Not at all.
Today I scheduled my bilateral salpingectomy -- It's two months away. I am so excited, nervous, but excited! Its really happening! I will no longer have to choke down birth control pills every day, or worry that I missed one, or worry that there may be an unexpected unwanted pregnancy to sneak up and surprise us! But I can't even talk to him about the surgery or even tell him that I scheduled it, because I'm worried he is going to stress about it, or get mad, or freak out, or get depressed. Who knows what will happen! I honestly can't get a read on his feelings, his emotions, or even what he is thinking half the time anymore. He is shutting down and shutting me out.
He is going to be 30 next month. Its a big deal for him. He is stressed out about that number. And I feel like once the realization hits him that he is going to be 30 soon, and will never have children to "pass on the name" he is going to have a serious meltdown.
How do I get him to speak to me... to tell me what he is feeling - what he is thinking?
Maybe I'm just paranoid. Maybe he is really fine with it and just has nothing to say about it. I just wish he would communicate rather than have me jumping to conclusions!
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Hi! I'd love to talk to you about this, or anything :) Have you heard of Natural Family Planning before? NFP for short. When done properly, the rate of effectiveness is equal to birth control. It improves communication, strengthens relationships because it involves BOTH people to practice it, and couples who practice it have low divorce rates.
ReplyI just noticed you said you'd been married 4 years. My husband and I will be celebrating our 4th anniversary this coming February.
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