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My children. Without them I physically get sick. What's crazy is that they are the product of merging with the most pain I have ever had to deal with in my life. Sometimes it's hard to deal with. I love my children to death. But to lie and say they were made with love, I just can't. I wasn't ready to be a mother. I admit that I wasn't ready. I still do what I have to for them because I know I have to. They didn't stop my dreams or even falter them. Aside from that they are the most loving individuals I have ever met in my life. I am just so tired. Sometimes i have to lock myself away so that i dont take out the feelings I have for their father on them. It's such a conflict looking into the faces of these beautiful creatures and forever seeing the reflection of all my pain wrapped up right in them. I want to be a real mother to them. I want to give them the life they deserve. The life I felt was withheld from me by parents that did not deserve to have me.
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Reach out to communities of mothers in your area - theres plenty of women who feel the same. Youre not alone. Youre not a bad mom. But you can get through this - you just need a little support. :)
ReplyYou seem like an amazing mother ❤️
ReplyI am so there with you.
ReplyWow. Our views of our children are exact same except opposite in the emotion. My children did the opposite for me. If it wasnt for them id have given up, only to have them made me realise the love that can exist and they brought thir father and i closer than ever before.
I feel a little shame that you don't feel the same. X i do hope however, that you get there one day and soon
ReplyI can see that you want to be a good mother. However, becoming physically ill without them is s sign of codependency. The goal of any good parent is to raise healthy happy children, so keep an eye out for your codependent feelings and behaviors- otherwise you'll raise your kids to be codependent in their relationships which I'd unhealthy and rarely leads to happiness. It's really good that you're aware of this early so that you can do something about it. You learned how not to parent from your parents, and this can make you a better mother - just watch your own stuff.
Reply🍁Yes Children are miracles. My angels mean EVERYTHING TO ME and if it wasn't for them, what would life be worth living for?! X
Sending you hugs.
Reply