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I am not a person to write things usually. Lately I've felt lost within myself, so I thought maybe I would try a new outlet for my thoughts. It seems to me I seem to feel too much. Not that I claim to Know what too much is. Who truly can say to anyone what is too much emotion, but that I seem to feel more than others I've met. Even though I know I have no right to claim to feel more than anyone for I never truly will be in their shoes or walk their path. Which makes me feel even more alone. I can't begin to put what I feel to words, but I still will try. I must try for the sake of myself, for it's what I feel is right, but why again why am I writing this. These feelings of being lost and alone recently have left me confused and perplexed. We all strive to find purpose in this world and I clearly have yet to find my own spot in this cosmos. My own emotions have become too strong at times to bare and, this leaves me visibly strained and I feel to appear weak. Even now as I write this to myself I shed a tear because of the fear to truly express my own feelings to myself. I feel that is what we all truly are trying to find in this life; a way to really express how we feel to our own selves and come to terms with that. Everything is just such a jumble right now that it makes me feel so empty even though I am feeling so much. Trying to make sense of this has made me feel blinded and lost. I can't even begin to make sense of it all. Even writing this now only makes me realize how truly lost I have become. My desire to feel needed feels like it's taking over and I do not enjoy this. Why must we feel purpose? Why isn't existing enough to me. Why must I have purpose? Maybe I'm tired of just existing, but will I ever truly know, I think not. I strive to find purpose, but this has only left me more empty inside. I know there is more to life than to just exist, but I have yet to find why. What is it that drives humanity to desire to exhist? It must be more than just simple chemical reactions. I feel it is more than just what science has to say about our reality just being what the brain perceives. There must be more out there for if it were that simple then why bother. What is it I seek, I may never find. This searching is what keeps me going, and I feel that desire to exist and learn is too simple to explain humanity wanting to continue to exist. I must want more or I wouldn't strive to find it. What is this deidre to want more though? Is it to better ones self, is it really merely that selfish? I do not feel it is that petty, but at times my own self preservation makes me question this. END
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