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Everytime things start to look up, they always seem to revert. Here I am, exactly at 2 am, sitting right where I always do. No matter how positive life may get, I always end up here. Contemplating whether or not I want to keep going.
I don't know why I can't just accept life and it's uncertainties, but I can't seem to wrap my head around it. One day I think I've improved, things begin to look up, I feel empowered and motivated, and then the very next it all comes crashing down around me. No matter how good things get, I always crumble. I always end up here.
I always end up wishing things would finally be over. It's been this way for so long. Why can't it just end? I feel so estranged from this life. I don't want to be here. All I want in this life is stability.
What I want is a life where I can be at peace, where I won't be anxious, where I won't worry, where I won't stress, where my wife and I can just live as we please. I can't understand why we can't just find that stability. She is my life raft in the ever tumultuous storm of life, she is my guiding light, she is my hope, she is my angel.
And now that we are here, once again, I know that God's purpose in my life is there. I understand he loves me, I understand he cares, but I don't want to be here.
All I want is peace, a peaceful existence where my wife and I can be without worries. All i want is what's coming next. All i want is what lies beyond.
Please,
Let me find that place where I belong.
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Hmm, all you need is a peace of mind. Well, do one thing follow your path/routine, you are thinking too much. Go with the flow, don't worry. There are no coincidences things happen when they are supposed to. Maybe you are restless, what are wishing for ? Is it good for you, what if you get it will you be satisfied. Stop wishing because reality has no tooth fairy. What you want you need to accomplish.
ReplyAre you replying to the right post?
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ReplyI think a change of scenery. I think once we get to a certain age we get to a place where, when we think about what we want is something we always had but didn't put it to good use? Like peace, a week off from the busy life , like those of horns of cars and traffic.
Perhaps its best to change scenery for you and your wife to spend some quality time together, long baths and lengthy walks and just peace ! It helps a lot to freshen up your mind and peace (maybe somewhere full of nature) will do just that !
Best of luck 🍁
ReplyA worry free life would be wonderful but we both know that isn’t really possible. It doesn’t mean that you can’t be happy though, I think. Peace for me is in my heart. In the most tumultuous of times, find your inner strength. You can make mundane things wonderful, it’s about mindset, again this is my perspective. Gratitude and mindfulness helped me tremendously in accepting the things that I cannot control or change. I also set goals for myself, that creates personal satisfaction. Take your wife on a date, spice things up a little. These are all just suggestions. Hope it helped a little.
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