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My heart is pounding, my pulse racing.
What will happen next
Will I be forced to speak or continue to sit in guilty silence
I may not be the villain but I’m certainly not the hero
And I doubt ill be seen as such
But for right now I don’t want to be confined to a box
Written off as one or the other
Liar or victim
Truth is id be both
Victim to the believers
They might label me “survivor” but truth is that’s a fancy word for escaped prey
Liar to the disbeliever, attention seeker to some
I’m not ready for the questions
Why now?
Why did you stay?
How could it be true?
He was mine but more importantly I was his
Sometimes I still feel like it’s an is and not a was
Like I can never be free
Free to live without the reminder that I have a debt to pay
A debt to who I’m not sure but it certainly feels like I owe someone something
You wanted love you got it and you paid the price
Just keep your mouth shut
Be happy to be out with your life
So your first time wasn’t all that special
Don’t try to take more than you’ve earned
You dated him you owed him
He was yours but more importantly you were his
Keep your opinions to your self
Your version of the truth is for no one else
Don’t tell a soul
For who would even really care
You’d be judged for your choice
And yes, I say choice
Why didn’t you leave
Why didn’t you try
It seems to me you got what you came for
So don’t you dare cry
You choose to let him do those things to you
Yes you said no but you didn’t go
I’m certain it wouldn’t have been that hard
He had no weapon but his love for you
But that twisted edge of love held me closer than any knife
He would be better next time
This time he will listen
He loves me he promised
I promise
My heart and my soul they belong to you
And I guess that means by body too
what do I really have to complain about
it could have been worse
all I had to deal with was an unwanted hand up my skirt
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