i was his

My heart is pounding, my pulse racing.

What will happen next

Will I be forced to speak or continue to sit in guilty silence

I may not be the villain but I’m certainly not the hero

And I doubt ill be seen as such

But for right now I don’t want to be confined to a box

Written off as one or the other

Liar or victim

Truth is id be both

Victim to the believers

They might label me “survivor” but truth is that’s a fancy word for escaped prey

Liar to the disbeliever, attention seeker to some

I’m not ready for the questions

Why now?

Why did you stay?

How could it be true?

He was mine but more importantly I was his

Sometimes I still feel like it’s an is and not a was

Like I can never be free

Free to live without the reminder that I have a debt to pay

A debt to who I’m not sure but it certainly feels like I owe someone something

You wanted love you got it and you paid the price

Just keep your mouth shut

Be happy to be out with your life

So your first time wasn’t all that special

Don’t try to take more than you’ve earned

You dated him you owed him

He was yours but more importantly you were his

Keep your opinions to your self

Your version of the truth is for no one else

Don’t tell a soul

For who would even really care

You’d be judged for your choice

And yes, I say choice

Why didn’t you leave

Why didn’t you try

It seems to me you got what you came for

So don’t you dare cry

You choose to let him do those things to you

Yes you said no but you didn’t go

I’m certain it wouldn’t have been that hard

He had no weapon but his love for you

But that twisted edge of love held me closer than any knife

He would be better next time

This time he will listen

He loves me he promised

I promise

My heart and my soul they belong to you

And I guess that means by body too

what do I really have to complain about

it could have been worse

all I had to deal with was an unwanted hand up my skirt