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This is really long but I seriously need some advice.
So I met this a guy a few months ago, I wouldn't say we became best friends too but we talked everyday which eventually led to us becoming a couple. When this all started, I was the happiest I've ever been. He made my heart beat fast and whenever he would put his arms around me I'd blush. But, recently I haven't been feeling the same about him. It makes me uncomfortable when he touches me and I've been feeling more frustrated with him for small things. I just don't feel the spark at all anymore. I knew that we were opposites but I just thought "ooposites attract" not realising that we were too opposite. You're supposed to be best friends with your significant other, and that's the way it was with all my exes (we even continued to stay friends after breaking up.) I know that I didn't have enough time to build a strong bond like this with the guy I'm dating. Since everything happened so suddenly I feel like it's too late for me to decide I don't like him anymore. Something else to add is that I still feel that I like someone who I've crushed on since January of this year. And the way I have felt about the other guy was/is way stronger than what I feel for my boyfriend. I planned on breaking up with him, I talked with my friend for hours about this (it really stressed me out for a while.) Mentioning how I'm scared to lose him as a friend and I don't want to break his heart. In the end, something inside me decided against it and for a day or maybe two I felt happy with the realtionship again. Yet, the spark went away. I love him, he's still the person I call when I'm nervous about something and he still means a lot to me. Although I love him, it's not in the way I should. I still don't want to lose him or hurt him, besides my family knows about him and I don't want to say that we broke up because he treats me so well. Plus he has tons of friends who will know about the whole thing too. I already have social anxiety, so the fear of judgement from all those people will be traumatising. Despite being in a relationship, I still find myself fantasizing about "the perfect guy," and drooling over any man or woman that I find attractive. I love the way he treats me but I feel like we just don't connect. I adore how he cares and the things he gives me, but I feel like this isn't right. He's in the relationship because he loves me, and I'm in the relationship just for the benefits and because I feel the need to spare his feelings. I fear that if I do break up with him, it'll be the wrong decision. None of this feels right for me but I don't want to the bad person (although I feel like I already am.) PLEASE HELP!
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Sometimes you have to remind yourself that love isn't always an easy thing. If you were married to someone who treated you wonderfully, you would continue to show them love until the spark came back. Make sure you have had that kind fo patience with this person. If you are young, you have a long time to decide if it's right or not. Also, consider the other person you are having feelings for. Is it feelings, or just infatuation. It would be a shame to give up someone who loves you and treats you well for someone who makes your heart beat fast. That said, if you really don't see a future with the guy you are with, it will only hurt him to string him along further. Maybe sit down and have a talk and be completely open and honest with him. Tell him you are feeling unsure about the relationship and see if he is willing to give it a break or stay close friends and revisit the possibility of a relationship later on. If he really wants you for the long run, this kind of talk may end up being healthier for the two of you.
ReplyI feel bad for the guy let him go for he can find someone that will love him for him not what he gets for them. Your wasting his time. Keeping him on the burner for something you might need
Replyyou sound exactly like how my ex felt about me... at first i was heartbroken, and i definitely didn't want to stay friends with him. later on i realised there were things about him and his lifestyle that i couldn't stand and that i would have been settling if i stayed with him. plus it wouldn't have been a good idea to have kids with him.
so now i am happy he broke up with me and let me free to live my life.
you can't play with people's feelings. if you don't appreciate someone the same way they appreciate you, you need to let them go and make sure there is no hope for you to get back together. they deserve happiness and you shouldn't take away their joy.
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