Not wanting to die.... surprisingly

where do I start? Well, for as long as I can remember I've wanted to die. There hasn't been a day since I was 12 and I'm now 22, where I haven't wanted to end it all and embrace the sweet peace that is death. For years I thought it was 'normal' to feel this way. To feel overwhelmed by the smallest things. To feel nothing sometimes and to love it because at least nothing hurt. You were numb.

These last few days I have felt really strange. So today I sat down and examined my feelings. I don't usually do this because it usually leads to me overthinking myself into a depressive state. But today, I realised I felt strange because I felt happy and I felt fine.

This isn't a feeling I am used to at all!! And it feels good. Then I thought, some people feel this happy most days because they don't suffer from anxiety or depression. That was really strange and weird to me hahah

Anyway, most of my posts on here are depressing but this one isn't. This post is about all the cliche things people say like 'time heals all' and 'thing do get better' but it's true things really do get better.

I have supportive and loving friends and I couldn't be happier with my life right now.

I am sure I will have rough days again but now I know what happiness feels like and I know I can feel it, I'm not too scared of the bad days.

If you're out there struggling, just know you aren't alone and you have people like me who understand and are here to lend a hand.