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For so long I’ve tried to please you. I loved you. And went so far out of my way for you. But I never saw it as going out of my way, or doing something nice for you. It was a given. It was instinctive for me to be this way with you. When I upset you I did everything in my small amount of power to brighten your day. I would try to talk to you, but sometimes my words didn’t come out right, or sometimes I’d get stuck in a loop because I don’t know how else to talk to you, but I stay in that loop because I just don’t want you to leave if I stop. For so long I ignored every bad thing you did to me, all the comments, neglect, all the times you CHOSE to not understand me. I let it all go. Bc I loved you so much. For years... I’ve tried. And finally... You crossed a line with me that you can’t un-cross. You hurt someone besides me. Someone I loved. You went out of YOUR way to hurt them instead of love me. So I threw myself in front of the bullet and defended them with everything I had. Even if It meant going against you. Though just because you can’t un-cross that line doesn’t mean I didn’t try to let you get away with it. I tried to brush it under the rug, and go back to loving you the way I always had. But what I never knew.. until now. Is that.. when someone shows a side of themselves. A dark side. A side where.. they are ruthless. And unforgiving. Where even now when you KNOW how bad you hurt me.. you know you left me barley a fraction of who I used to be... you still don’t say your sorry. You stand there and justify yourself. When they show that side? It’s possible to stop loving them as much. Now.. I’m at a point in my life where it’s been 2 years since it happened, but that doesn’t mean you haven’t tried to manipulate me since. You’ve gotten in my head. You’ve done everything you can think of to hurt me or who I surround myself with. Well.. as much as you’ve hurt me.. and said and done unforgivable things to me...... I still miss you. I miss the good moments we had all those years. I miss your smile and the warmth it brought to my heart. I miss not knowing your darkness. I miss not fearing/being skeptical of you every time I see you. I miss a time where I could just wake up and come be with you. Instead I have to consistently refrain from even MENTIONING your name let alone communicating with you. Because if I do... you’ll try to hurt me again. Because I took away the one thing in your life that was always there for you, and always did good for you...... me.
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This really made me think about the person i love.. It's sad.
I hope you're okay now, a person like you deserves better ❤
ReplyI wish someone loved me the way you love this person
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