Don't know if I can get through this.

I'm never going to be happy,achieve my goals, feel good about myself and get out of my issues. I fear what's going to end happening to me, is me going absolutely insane and potentially kill myself. I'm really on edge already and I even thought 'hey! if I need money and quickly, since I am in a financial crisis, maybe consider sex for money'?

I know myself, to know what I can and cannot take. If this just continues what outcome are people expecting out of this? I'm suffocating, overlwelmed and in distress. As like everyone else, I have my limits too. There's only so much I could take in and feel stuck in it.

Why wouldn't I want to let it all go if ll that happens is how much i suffer internally. Doesn't seem to be a way out that I never get a break and chance, to take breather. To be okay for longer period of time and maintain some sense of stability in my life. Money is running out, there's the possibility that I might end up on the streets. I can't find a proper job, I haven't finished my education and mentally, emotionally unstable.I'm not in a good place at all.

All I get is shit on and the cycle continues, despite my efforts against it. I wish I was stronger, but now this is just abusing me. Life is kicking me down alongside my surroundings and the way I feel about myself. I don't know if I can be saved when I feel like a pathetic and hopeless woman.Dealt with alot in my life and it never had improved but have increased I'm getting worse, even now that I'm in my mid twenties...

People maybe should put up with my suicidal death,considering I had to put up with everyone else's bullshit. That's what's going to end up happening. I don't know why people expect me to be happy and grateful, when I am always in a battle with my inner self and my surroundings,it's alot to take on. I've been through some damaging experiences and im paying the price for it, and the nerve of others to somehow think I'll come out normal and okay?

Right, sure. 'Let's treat J like shit and throw her around like a ragdoll, dehumanize her and make her feel bad enough to make her want to kill herself!!'

Where the hell does it show I'm fine anymore!?

What will it take to get me out of this, really? I have no clue anymore how to feel better, overcome my issues and to get through everything that's happening in my life currently. It's hard to believe it would by the looks of how things are so far, unsure If i will ever be happy and make it through this life.

I feel at a total loss.