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My parents are dead.
Last evening I spoke with one of my sisters. We hadn't spoken in months. She's mentally ill. She is a hoarder. She is morbidly obese, has heart disease, but thinks the problem is in her ankle. I haven't spoken with her much lately. It becomes too painful. She talks incessantly, hardly letting me get in a word. I just set the phone on speakerphone and let her ramble to herself incessantly. She has no capacity anymore to fully reason. She has extreme narcissism.
I feel so sad.
Many of my family members are going mentally ill.
I have another sister who says the world is soon going to end. She believes we may only have a couple of years left for mankind. She is convinced the government is secretly spraying temperature-changing chemicals out of airplane engines high in the sky. She believes immunization shots given to children actually are secretly designed to cause cancers.
Another sister of mine says one of my brothers tried to be a NASA astronaut, but couldn't work. It's not true. My brother was never an astronaut. She applied to work for the CIA, and to be an undercover person for the FBI. She thinks all sorts of unrealistic things.
I have a brother who lives in another state. He has severe depression and PTSD. At least he is on medications. He is afraid of crowds. He has been psychologically disabled for many years. He currently doesn't return my phone calls.
I have another brother who teaches at a university. I feel so sorry for his students. My brother is a control freak. He teases and ridicules people. He mocks and is extremely judgmental. He has severe depression. He won't contact me because in his opinion I am considered too below him.
Another brother of mine has all sorts of severe trauma from childhood. He used to be an alcoholic and a drug addict. Fortunately he stopped using but he never fully addressed the underlying issues. He is morbidly obese. I can't sometimes have a conversation with him because he yells and rants. He is filled with anger and hurt. He rarely communicates to me too.
I have another sister who is out of control. She is over her head in debt. She is also disabled. I feel so sorry for her children. She yells and insults them constantly. I especially fear what will become of her son. This sister won't talk to me either.
I know I have an unusual family. I know I have my problems too. I am extremely suicidal sometimes. I am filled with anxiety, depression, and PTSD. I can't reach out to family so I do other things. I write. I read a lot of helpful books too. I visit positive useful websites to help my mental health. I attend support group meetings when I can. I attend community forums and go places to learn and experience. I exercise regularly and avoid unhealthy food. I see a therapist. I try to take care of myself. I make it a point for me to attend a church, and to socialize and to learn. I do things as simple as take bike rides and go on walks. I have hobbies and attend local hobby club meetings I enjoy. It's difficult for me but I try not to isolate. I try to communicate my feelings to those I can safely share.
I am very far from perfect.
But I am doing the best I can without a supportive family.
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You sound like a very strong person. :) I hope things get better for you and your family
ReplyI'm so sorry for what you are going through. You are strong and independent. However most of the times we don't need guidance from family members because at times it is best to do better on our own. You'd be surprised by how many people can count and rely on strangers rather than family. You are important and deserve the best. <3
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